WWE has delivered a series of lessons over the past two days. Raw taught us that nothing is permanent (save for Baron Corbin’s place in the main event), that Bray Wyatt’s new character is possibly the maddest great thing we’ve seen since WWII tribute act, germaphobe Dean Ambrose, and that Money in the Bank was just four weeks away. I honestly had no idea about that last one.
Meanwhile SmackDown Live had a few teaching moments up its sleeve too. For instance, Greg Hamilton has incredible pipes, man. Legend has it that on a silent, foggy night, when the wind blows in just the right direction, you can still hear him introducing Shane McMahon.
Knocked it OUT of the PARK, @GregHamiltonWWE! 👏👏👏👏👏 #SDLive pic.twitter.com/0tVxmCcDHe
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 24, 2019
Also, would Roman Reigns be fired just a week after joining the blue brand? He did, after all, violently assault the Chairman and CEO of a multi-billion Dollar company. He punched his boss square in the jaw, in a heinous, unprovoked attack. And not just any man either… this was Vincent Kennedy McMahon dammit!
So would we see the ‘Big Dog’ dismissed, an outcome relentlessly peddled by WWE throughout the week? The answer may surprise you.
I’m kidding. Of course he wasn’t fired. Let’s get to the review.
The Best of SmackDown Live
El Idolo
I love that Andrade is back and being allowed to contribute to his promos. As much as Zelina Vega adds a tremendous amount to the act as a whole, Andrade just has a presence about him. Whether in English or Spanish, his deep voice and deliberate tone make him sound like a movie villain from the 1980s. I could imagine John McClane saving the city from his nefarious plot.
It goes without saying that he can go in the ring too. This week he came up against a refreshed Finn Bálor, in what was an excellent TV bout. Andrade’s running springboard twisting crossbody to the outside, in particular, was such an amazing move that I almost ran out of descriptors for it. I’m just assuming that’s what it’s called.
My only complaint is that I wish Vega was presented as more of a benefit than a hindrance to her business associate. Too often on the main roster, Zelina has cost Andrade a match rather than helped him win one. That’s sadly what happened here too, allowing Finn to pick up the victory. It’s too bad that Andrade didn’t take the belt off the Irishman, as I believe both would be better off.
The Mean Girls
The IIconics have been hit-or-miss in recent weeks, especially in the ring. But they were once again in top form on last night’s SmackDown. There were honestly too many painfully good moments in their promo before Peyton took on Kairi Sane. They compared Paige to ‘Nick Fury’, assembling her team of super lame-os, Asuka and “Kerry”. And Billie Kay called everyone “toots”.
Okay, it was much better live.
They also explained away their loss to the Japanese duo last week, claiming that Peyton hadn’t warmed up correctly, was caught off guard and was slightly dehydrated. But that wouldn’t happen again this week, because Peyton had drunk a whole gallon of water before the match.
And then she proceeded to lose to Kairi Sane in about 30 seconds.
I could continue to complain about the treatment of the Women’s Tag Team Champs, but it’s clear at this point that WWE views The IIconics as little more than transitional champions building to the crowning of Asuka and Sane. The highlight here was the Aussie team returning to their obnoxious, oblivious, silly best.
This is Lars Sullivan’s Yard Now
A planned match between Jinder Mahal and Chad Gable was thankfully avoided, as Lars Sullivan intervened before the bell rang. What could have been SmackDown’s scheduled toilet break was instead converted into a rather interesting angle as the monster first laid out Gable and then got his hands on the Singh Brothers.
When R-Truth ran down to exact some revenge on ‘The Freak’, he too was flattened by the giant slab of beef.
I have no idea where this is going, nor precisely who Sullivan’s first true opponent will be (assuming R-Truth won’t put up much resistance), but WWE seems content to just have him demolish people for a while. And I’m okay with that.
And so did @RonKillings…AGAIN.@LarsSWWE is UNSTOPPABLE! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/YuYNF6nhU1
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 24, 2019
The Return of ‘Big O’
Kevin Owens continued his honorary membership of the New Day this week. And he’s clearly been practicing his group introductions, because his gravely voice was undeniably being channelled from the right place. It all comes from the plums, man.
Last night, the ‘Big O’ accompanied his new pals to the ring to provide much-needed emotional support to Kofi Kingston in his match against Shinsuke Nakamura. As an added bonus, Owens and Xavier Woods provided their own commentary on the bout. Which, every time Tom Phillips cut across to their announce desk, made me wish that we could listen to them instead of SmackDown’s usual commentary team.
While all of this outside chicanery was going on, Kofi and Nakamura managed to put on a decent main event, which Kofi looked to have won before Rusev got involved, causing Woods and KO to come to the champion’s rescue.
The Festival of Friendship
But the match wasn’t the highlight of the segment. Throughout the night it was hard to shake the feeling that Owens was plotting to turn on his new buddies so as to claim his own shot at the WWE Championship. Despite us all seeing it coming a mile away, it’s hard to argue that KO didn’t play his roll to perfection. Sure, he seemed supportive of the New Day. He claimed to enjoy pancakes and breakfast cereals. He gladly wore bright shirts and pandered to the crowd.
But it all just seemed too easy. As if ‘Big O’ was trying too hard to ingratiate himself to the group, looking to gain Kingston’s and Woods’ trust. He just appeared too happy to be part of the team.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BwnvLG_B6z_/
Owens superkicked Kingston, tossed both New Day members around the ring for a bit and then powerbombed Xavier on the apron. Which I have it on reliable information is the hardest part of the ring.
This angle would’ve been far more impactful had it been given longer to develop, but WWE’s packed PPV schedule often makes that difficult. Also, the prolonged silence of the commentary team following the turn detracted from its viciousness. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the commentators to convey some emotion when something dramatic happens, not suddenly turn into mutes.
But for the most part this angle was excellent, and the looming match between Owens and Kofi has me excited.
The Worst of SmackDown Live
Shane’s Sloppy Firsts
I’ve been fairly accepting of this new version of Shane McMahon. He bullies ring announcers, wins WrestleMania matches and beats up people’s dads. That’s all grand.
But there’s a limit to how much McMahon sweatiness I can tolerate each week – and SmackDown reached that threshold about five minutes into the show. After stumbling over his words and rushing a few bad jokes, Shane called out the man who attacked his father last week, Roman Reigns.
‘The Big Dog’ obediently waddled down to the ring and, just before he was about to lay into the former SmackDown GM – who is definitely not an authority figure, despite moments earlier threatening to fine or fire Reigns – was distracted by a timeous Elias. This momentary intervention was enough for Shane to get the upper hand, laying in a few knees, before Elias finished the job.
This segment did nothing for anyone. Shane threatened to fire Roman, instead promised a far worse fate, and then proceeded to recruit a friend to help him execute a very tame beat-down. ‘The Big Dog’ got locked into a program with Elias, which has never resulted in anyone getting even remotely over. And the ‘Drifter’ is the third wheel in his own feud. Possibly the fourth wheel if Vince McMahon ever comes back.
Fade to… a Shade of Grey
Aleister Black cut a heavily scripted promo, in which he emphasised “the complexity of his tragic character“. Riiiight.
He then went on to conclude that “the world you grew up in would have me… condemned“. I don’t have the foggiest what the ‘Dutch Destroyer’ was on about here, but it filled me with dread for his future direction. Maybe Michael Cole was right all those weeks ago: Aleister Black IS moody.
I didn’t like it.
The Never-Ending Feud
In what was hyped up as the first meeting between Charlotte and Becky since the WrestleMania main event, we were obviously meant to get excited about the rekindling of this ageless feud. Because apparently not fighting one another for two weeks now classifies as a hotly anticipated reunion of the mega powers.
Charlotte pointed out that it was Ronda who took the pin at WrestleMania, meaning that Becky hadn’t defeated her for the SmackDown title. Consequently, Flair felt, she deserved another crack at the champion.
Oddly, it seemed that not even Becky was excited to reignite the contest we’ve been exposed to since prior to SummerSlam last year, opting instead to call on fresh challengers like Ember Moon, Bayley or Mickie James. I mean, Becky, if you’re bored by this segment…
https://twitter.com/BeckyLynchWWE/status/1120785192438857733
Throughout this long, familiar promo, I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were reliving moments that in all honesty were starting to feel a bit long in the tooth months ago. As if to illustrate the emptiness of this stand-off, when asked by Becky why she believed she was next in line for the title, Charlotte offered an unconvincing “because I said so“.
Please can we get new faces in the title picture. Which conveniently leads us to…
Heeeeeyyyy Hey Bayley!
Bayley interrupted this agonisingly drab exchange between Becky and Charlotte to demand that she get a shot at one of Lynch’s belts. While the crowd initially greeted Bayley’s arrival with complete silence, it was noticeable that she started to win them over as time wore on.
You see, this wasn’t your parents’ Bayley. Oh no, she was tough, determined and angry. She walked right up to a very smug Charlotte, knocked the microphone from her hand and challenged the ‘Queen’ to a match to determine the number one contender. And that match was going to happen… right now. What followed was a fast-paced, back-and-forth, quality match between two of WWE’s finest.
"I can count how many times you've beaten me: ZERO."@itsBayleyWWE just came at #TheMan @BeckyLynchWWE! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/ryziDXBg0U
— WWE (@WWE) April 24, 2019
Alright! So why then does this fall under the bad portion of SmackDown Live? Well, because Charlotte won.
We were gifted the faintest glimmer of an exciting new program for the ‘Champ Champ’, only for it to be cruelly ripped away. Like when the doctor gave you a post-checkup lollipop as a kid and then your mom told you that you’d already had enough sugar for the day. It’s not right!
So ‘The Man’ will once again have a match against Charlotte for the SmackDown Women’s Title. But who is Lynch really feuding with? Lacey Evans? Ember Moon? The Spacetime Continuum? This segment left me feeling like Matthew McConaughey at the end of Interstellar, looking back at my own life from behind a bookshelf, powerless to stop the inevitable future from playing out.
Overall Rating of the Show (From best to worst: SmackDamn, SmackTastic, Smack Bang in the Middle, SmackDowner and A Smack in the Face)
This was a bog standard edition of SmackDown until the very end. Shane had a sloppy promo, Elias challenged Reigns, Lars beat up a couple of lads and The IIconics made some bad jokes. It was largely the kind of filler that very few people would remember a week from now.
But there was one outstanding segment which salvaged an otherwise forgettable episode. And I’m not talking about Back to the Future III: The Return of Becky and Charlotte.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwn311IBwOZ/
This was all about Kevin Owens turning on his friends of two weeks, the New Day. While I would’ve preferred to have seen this angle built up over a longer a period of time, Money in the Bank being just four weeks away made that rather difficult. Regardless, this angle somehow managed to be strangely shocking. I mean, we all saw it coming, but the fantastic character work of Kofi, Xavier and Owens made it still seem rather striking. It was hard to picture that these guys had really only been a unit for the seven days. And that’s a testament to how brilliantly they played it.
So, given the great closing segment and the all-round excellent in-ring contributions of first Andrade and Bálor, and later Bayley and Charlotte, I’m willing to overlook some of the blue brand’s shortcomings. Like Aleister Black’s ill-fitting promo or the battle of words between Charlotte and Becky that we’ve all heard before.
In a forgiving mood, this week’s SmackDown was SmackTastic.
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