Happy Star Wars Day! May the force be ever living long and prosper.
While I haven’t been asked to cast the next Star Wars film yet, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before that day comes, so I’m planning ahead, and making some early casting decisions.
Wrestlers are often compared to movie stars, and if you only focus on the Hollywood careers of The Rock and John Cena, wrestling has a 100% success rate of supplying huge stars to the acting world.
Unfortunately no-one was available to pose in costume for me, but I have been able to get hold of the greatest minds in photoshop to help us picture exactly what it would be like if WWE and AEW stars were in the next Star Wars film.
Enjoy…
8. Big Darth Vader
They both wear masks, so this one was easy. It was just a coincidence that they had the same name.
Unfortunately the late great Vader wouldn’t be able to appear in the film in person, but this is Hollywood in 2022, and they can do things with CGI that honestly probably shouldn’t be allowed.
However, I will make an exception if they’re able to put Vader in Star Wars.
7. Luke Sky-Whacker
Based on my casting, Vader is the father of Bushwhacker Luke, which I personally think is a better story than the original script.
I actually wouldn’t be surprised if Bushwhacker Luke is force sensitive in real life. The man is clearly throbbing with midichlorians, and it makes sense that he should be the one to bring balance to the force and save a lot of Ewoks.
Women will queue up around the block to get the chance to be cast as Princess Leia. Who wouldn’t want to share a strange kiss with their on-screen brother if said brother was Bushwhacker Luke?
6. Mace Windu
I’m only allowing this one if he doesn’t bring T-Bar, Reckoning, Slapjack and Retaliation. I want Mace to be cool.
Not only will this make WWE star Mace an instant star, but with the purple lightsaber, he could quite easily slip into Edge’s new Judgment Day faction.
We never actually saw what happened to Mace Windu’s body in the Revenge of the Sith, aside from being thrown out of a giant window, so why not have a resurrection storyline, where he comes back wearing a mask because the lightning made his face weird.
5. DaYoda Kai
What most people don’t know is that the real reason Dakota Kai left WWE last week was to pursue an acting career (this is not true please don’t quote us).
Thankfully I already knew this, so I will be happy to cast her as Yoda in the next Star Wars film.
While admittedly she doesn’t look like a small, green, male alien, she can do flips and stuff, and probably owns a green lightsaber, so I can’t see why she wouldn’t be the perfect candidate for the job.
Of course she might be a method actor, in which case she may turn into a green alien. This would make life easier.
4. Darth Paul Bearer
Arguably the most under-utilised character in all of Star Wars, Darth Maul had a double-ended red lightsaber.
Paul Bearer had a double-ended brothers of destruction, and one of them was big and red, so it’s basically the same thing.
For those who aren’t aware, Darth Maul is actually not dead at the end of the Phantom Menace, and instead grew two big metal legs to replace the fleshy ones Obi-Wan Kenobi cut off.
What some people don’t know is that prior to his passing, Paul Bearer actually also grew two metal legs, so if he was also hiding horns under his hair, then he would barely even have to do any make-up.
3. Darth Sid-ious
Yes, I know the photoshop job is very bad, but Sid is bright pink and Darth Sidious is grey, so it was very hard to make it look good.
For me, the only man who could truly embody the man who killed Darth Plagueis the Wise is Sid. Imagine Sid trying to cut the Darth Plagueis promo to Anakin, it would be so much better.
No disrespect to original actor Ian McDiarmid, but I have no idea how he managed to get the job ahead of Sid.
As you can tell I don’t really have much more to say on this one.
2. Rey Mysterio
Yes, the ending of the most recent Star Wars trilogy wasn’t fantastic, but that’s only because the main protagonist wasn’t a jacked luchador.
The lightsaber duels in Star Wars are really cool, but I’ve never seen anyone hit a 619 on their foe, and that’s really all that was missing from the latest films.
Not only that, but you could even bring in Dominik Mysterio in and have that be the storyline for the next trilogy. It writes itself.
1. Kyle O’Renly
See, I am casting an AEW star. No-one can call me biased.
Remember Kyle O’Reilly’s final “Cool Kyle” gimmick in NXT? Well it was actually the original plan for Kylo Ren in the Star Wars films.
They wanted Kylo to wear double denim and have a fight with Vin Wagner, but a last minute costume and casting call was made, and both the denim and Wagner were pulled from filming.
I can’t wait to watch the new Star Wars films now.
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