Nice new Helmet Karrion, Jesus Christ, did you buy that from a party store called the Viking Experience?
He looks like Shredder after his wife took everything in the divorce, he looks like the loneliest Roman at the orgy, he looks like someone going to a carnival dressed as demolition.
Looking forward to seeing the next step in the journey of history’s most maligned man, perhaps he’ll come out on Raw, fall over onto his bum and then his eyes will cross and he’ll say “oh no my bum, I fell on my big scary bum,” and then he’ll stand up and fall on his bum and he’ll “say oh no I fell on my bum again, tick tock.”
Point is, they went for serious and created something incredibly funny, so funny that you start to cry and cry and cry. Which got us thinking about other times when wrestling went for super serious but when all the way out the other side.
I’m Adam hailing from partsFUNknown and here are the Top 15 Unintentionally Funny Wrestling Moments.
15. Hulk The Gay Guy
Oh man, Hulk Hogan is no stranger to the odd gaff on the mic, most notably when the cameras aren’t rolling, but even when they are he’s prone to jam that jam his foot in his mouth.
There’s the infamous Superdome blunder that actually turned out to be surprisingly sweet, and then there’s this.
A super-serious promo between him and Vince leading into their match at WrestleMania XIX where Hogan was supposed to say, do you really think that I was just the right guy in the right place at the right time, but he messes it up over and over again, including saying, you do you really think I was just the right gay guy, all as Vince just looks at him thinking what the f**k is this old sofa saying.
14. Kaz and Christian Fighting for the Clipboard
Oh, this is a joy. So there are more unintentionally funny moments in TNA’s history than you can shake a Scott Steiner branded calculator at.
The attempt at rekindling the Monday Night Wars, the Shelly Martinez suicide dive, the match where the Ultimate X kept falling off, but this is the one that really kills me.
At Genesis 2007, Christian Cage fought Kaz in a ladder match. Instead of a belt over the ring, there was a clipboard with a contract on it for a TNA Title match.
During the match, the contract falls off the clipboard and instead of both men rushing to grab it and win, the match becomes who can be the first man to climb the ladder and retrieve the empty clipboard.
Like, the contract is the… why would you give a shit about an empty clipboard… they spent a lot of money at Paperchase I guess.
13. Gotta be KAAAANNNEE
Oh, Todd Grisham. There have been a lot of iconic calls about the Big Red Machine.
“That’s gotta be Kane”, “through hellfire and brimstone”, “ee by gum look at that weird clown shelf on the back of his head”, but by far the funniest came on an episode of Raw in 2009.
It was the annual draft/superstar shakeup/wildcard/rules/oh who cares anymore, and there was a drumroll, a graphic of all the potential superstars yet to be picked, the anticipation building and building and then, I can’t do an impression, just play the clip:
The sound of credibility dying, and the call that launched a thousand people spitting coffee at their monitors.
12. “Half The Brain That You Do”
If you took a look inside the brain of Sid, you would see the prodigy smack my bitch up music video, but with all the people replaced with muppets.
He’s the perfect cocktail of intensely intimidating violence and having a child’s brain. Nothing aims so high and falls further short than a Sid promo.
They are meant to be omens of doom from a mighty warlord, and instead sound like a drunk man trying to sell you his shoes at a bus stop. We’re live, pal, standing on his car shouting Goldberg, but his masterpiece is him trying to cuss out Kevin Nash and Scott Hall tell them they’re half the man that Sid is and that Sid has half the brain that they do.
It’s amazing, made all the better by the fact that Nash is wearing a Sid mask and pissing himself, so it’s actually like the two halves of Sid’s brain are fighting.
11. Haunted Tractor
I think it’s important to point out that, yes The Fiend deserved more, yes Bray Wyatt is one of the best minds of his generation, yes we miss him, but circa 2017, pretty much everyone was like “oh f**k off Bray Wyatt”.
Not his fault, necessarily, but more because WWE had him doing stuff like the House of Horrors match which is a heartbreaking attempt at spookums that turns pisspants funny once you get to a silly tractor that drives itself, Randy being pinned by the dirty fridge, or the doll head room that suggests Bray was just sitting there for hours with a needle, some thread and a barbie shipment, Netflix on in the background, working away thinking “ooh this’ll boo Randy up good”.
10. We’re Live You Idiot
Say what you want about CM Punk but the man’s calm under pressure.
On the July 7 episode of Raw in 2008, the Second City Saint was the current World Heavyweight Champion, remember that title run, haha, bollocks nothing.
Punk was being asked who he wanted to defend his title against when suddenly a light drops into frame, hurriedly scooped up by a pair of technicians, one of which whispers at the other, clear as day, “we’re live you idiot.”
Beautiful. I like to think of it as a chuckle brothers crossover episode. To me. To you.
9. Genesis of McGillicutty
Genuinely he couldn’t have written a funnier promo if he tried.
Before he became the charismatic dynamo that was Curtis Axel, Paul Heyman guy lest any of you forget, before Axelmania, before the chains are off, before yee yee yee, he was known as Michael McGillicutty.
Because sure, why would you want to mention that he’s Mr. Perfect’s kid? Back in NXT McGillicutty cut a series of terrible promos, but the best, by far, is the one he gave after losing Season 2 to Kaval where he got his heat back by talking about how it was his time.
And I quote: And starting this moment… from now… from this moment on… this will be the moment… starting now… of the Genesis… of McGillicutty.” Giant steaming poetry.
8. Anal Bleeding
One of the first rules of dialogue is that you should never hear the author through the characters when they speak. During this promo, you can hear Vince McMahon louder than Michael Cole through the f**king set.
What a big smile he must have had on his face. It’s the September 26 episode of Raw in 2011, the week after Jerry Lawler was attacked by Mark Henry and driven through the commentary table.
Cole gave a medical update on the king, saying he was suffered from bruised ribs and then, staring directly down the lens, ‘anal bleeding’.
We hear you Vince, loud and clear, as the moment’s made even funnier by Booker T saying ‘what’ and JR just turning his head away thinking ‘this f**king company…’
7. The Dungeon of Doom
Just… just all of it… the whole thing. The WCW stable specifically created to, in kayfabe, kill HulkaMania, but in real life to give all of Hogan’s mates jobs, was cartoon horses**t from the off and it’s all so funny.
From the Yeti, to the Zodiac, to the shark, to the sumo monster trucks, all the way to Hogan’s first time in the dungeon, with the kind of killer Birdemic quality storytelling like “there’s no Hulkamaniacs here”.
Testing some water and shouting ‘aah, it’s not hot’ to The Giant’s stupid laugh, oh it’s endlessly wonderful, the Ed Wood gift that keeps on giving.
6. Universal Title Reveal
I was there, I was in the crowd.
I laughed as everyone else laughed, when Stephanie and Mick, with proud parent smiles on their faces, revealed what they thought was going to be the coolest belt WWE had ever made, and they revealed this goddamn cherry bombination, this rotten cow’s tongue, this melted red vine on a desert road.
Sunburned bollocks all the way down and a belt so hilariously ugly that it broke Summerslam. Genuinely our belt is called the Jampionship and it doesn’t have as much jam on it at this infamous monster.
5. Barbed Wire Exploding Death Match
Everyone’s gone through the seven stages of grief about this match.
The anger, the bargaining, the “actually it was supposed to be that way because Kenny’s a heel” delusion, and now, many months later, it’s just really f**king funny.
Omega vs. Moxley, a Barbed Wire Exploding Ring deathmatch, hyped as a match where people could legit die, ending with a terrifying countdown, air raid sirens, the threat that holy s**t, Mox is gonna be blown, Eddie Kingston rushing to make the most redemptive act of friendship, and then, the kind of fireworks display that would be crushingly disappointing at a 6th birthday party.
The dribbling sparklers, the little pow pows, the fact that commentary and Kingston sold it, looking back, oh it’s wonderful, and I’m so sorry.
4. Retribution Names
What more can we say? What more can we say about the faction that debuted looking like a primary school production of the IRA and then eventually Digivolved into a primary school production of Mad Max.
replete with masks that’d look low rent in a Plymouth sex club and names that at their best are straight out of streets of rage, and at their worst, sound like bad improv at the hardware store comedy night.
3. Titus Worldslide
It’s a wrestling moment that brought the entire world together in accidental joy, so much so that my reptilian brain has started to suspect it was actually planned.
Surely nothing in the world can exist so pure as Titus running down to the ring, tripping on precisely nothing and disappearing under the ring.
You poor wonderful man. Not only is it funny as balls but it’s genuinely heartwarming to hear Michael Cole happy.
When do you think was the last time he was actually happy watching wrestling, must be f**king years. Titus O’Neil is a gift of a human and I’d let him kiss ME on the lips.
2. The Shockmaster
If Titus Worldslide is the greatest trip in WWE history, this is the greatest in the history of all wrestling.
The patron saint of botches, the one true king of things that are supposed to be serious, but end up leaving you laughing so hard that you can’t breathe.
At Clash of the Champions XXIV, during a flair for the gold segment, which was already a train wreck because it had Sid in shouting at everyone to stop talking while he’s talking, bulldog and sting introduced their partner for wargames, none other than The Shockmaster, A.K.A. Tugboat wearing a Stormtrooper helmet covered in glitter talking like Dr. Claw, which is, from a sort of baseline… s**t.
Like it’s already s**t, his head looks like a bathbomb, but then the debut. He was supposed to burst through the fake wall, Kool-Aid Man style but there was a beam nailed to the bottom of the wall.
Shockmaster whacks his knee on it, goes arse over teakettle, the helmet falls off, and ol’ Tuggers puts it back on and carries on with the promo, with every single second he keeps talking making it funnier and funnier.
1. McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania
A.K.A. what happens when you buy a mobile phone for your nan. It’s so relentlessly wonderful and sad and gut-burstingly funny.
In the face of spiraling ratings in 2008, Vince happened upon a cunning little scheme to force people to watch the show. Vince would come out at some point during raw, phone a random American thicko, and if they gave the password, they won some money.
The only problem was, Vince had to operate the tech, and oh man we got to see Vince be a human for the first time, reading glasses on, staring at a phone like it’s a head crab.
He dialed the wrong numbers, had a bad connection, cut people off, kept getting hold music, it was a beautiful disaster, and they pulled the plug on the idea in the funniest way they could, with the set collapsing on Vince who was carted away screaming I can’t feel my legs.
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