It’s that time of the year again, better than Christmas, better than Thanksgiving, better than any holiday you can name, it’s the WWE Draft.
When Vinny Maccy’s Wacky Attackies take all their toys, put them in a box and shake the box as hard as they can hope that it fixes all of their toys.
Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but in case you missed either Raw or Smackdown or, if you’re lucky, both, I’m here to run down each and EVERY SINGLE draft pick and rank them in order of the bad the good and the crushingly indifferent.
No more talk, we have a long road to travel, let’s do this. I’m Adam hailing from partsFUNknown and this is Every Drafted WWE Superstar of 2021 RANKED.
The Free Agents
First up let’s talk about The Free Agents, the people who weren’t drafted either for storyline reasons, because of injury, or because WWE plum forgot.
Eva Marie
First up, Eva Marie was surprisingly ignored this year, doubly surprising when you consider everything we know about Vince and what he likes. Maybe we’ll get Eva on BOTH brands. We can only hope.
Shane Thorne
Shane Thorne was also forgotten but that makes a little more sense considering he was a sentient plate less than a year ago.
Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado
Ditto Lucha House Party’s Gran Metallik and Lince Dorado, floating in the ether just writing Cruiserweight Classic in their diaries over and over again.
Elias
Elias will be singing the world’s saddest song, left unpicked, forgotten, and roaming, which is the most drifter thing he’s done in ages to be fair.
Maryse
Maryse is apparently still technically on Raw, but lives in reality tv land now, so wasn’t mentioned.
Lacey Evans
Lacey Evans was excluded because she’s still off on maternity leave, and very much all the best to her.
Bayley
Bayley remains a free agent as she remains on the bench to heal up from her torn ACL.
Asuka
Asuka is rehabbing her hand injury, similarly lost in space.
Brock Lesnar
And finally Brock Lesnar declared himself above all this petty t-shirt colour bullshit, straight up announcing he’ll go where he damn well pleases, which is at least honest.
Let’s move onto The Bad, the people, teams and factions for which the draft comes as a savage blow.
The Bad Tier
By far and away the biggest loser in the 2021 draft was the Women’s Tag Team Division which was absolutely DEMOLISHED.
Natalya stayed on Smackdown while partner Tamina moved to Raw. Similarly, Tegan Nox moved to Raw, leaving Shotzi all alone on Smackdown.
This leaves just ONE SINGLE TEAM in the entire division, Rhea Ripley and Nikki ASH, who are staying on Raw, and probably keeping the belts for a full f**king year, as if that mattered at this point.
T-Bar Stays On Raw & Mace To SmackDown
Other groups were torn apart with seemingly no plans in sight.
Retribution suffered their, I want to say… third breakup to date, with T-Bar being left behind on Raw as Mace skipped off to SmackDown, sure why not.
Veer To Raw & Jinder Mahal & Shanky To SmackDown
Likewise poor Veer was left behind on Raw as his stablemates, Jinder Mahal and Shanky left for SmackDown. What… why… what’s the point? Good luck Veer.
Austin Theory To Raw & Xia Li To SmackDown
Two NXT stables saw members being randomly plucked from their ranks.
Thank goodness Johnny Gargano and Candice LeRae are having a boy to replace Austin Theory who got stolen in the night and shift to Raw and best of luck to Tian Sha, who’ve lost Xia Li to SmackDown.
Akira Tozawa Stays On Raw
Akira Tozawa is still cruelly on Raw and not in the NXT Cruiserweight division where he’s proven to do much better work.
Karrion Kross Stays On Raw
Karrion Kross has been denied the chance to reinvent himself with a move to SmackDown, sticking with Raw who’ve treated him just the s**ts so far.
Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods To SmackDown
And finally, drawing perhaps the loudest condemnation from the live crowd, was the New Day, fans heavily booing their move to smackdown and being split up from Big E yet again. Death to friendship.
The Fine Tier
And now, probably the most difficult section to rank, the People Who Didn’t Move Brands, And It Was Fine – hot stuff coming through.
Jaxson Ryker Stays On Raw
Jaxson Ryker stayed on Raw and no one cares about that.
Happy Corbin & Madcap Moss Stay On SmackDown
Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss are still on Smackdown to wear their littles suits like a bad band at a Cuban hotel.
Dana Brooke Stays On Raw
Dana Brooke is still on Raw and sure, Dana’s cool. Sure why not.
Reginald Stays On Raw
Reggie is still on Raw with his 24/7 Championship. Why explains why Drake Maverick and R-Truth are also sticking around as they’re the Three Stooges keeping that comedy belt going.
Nia Jax Stays On Raw
Reports are that Nia Jax may be out recuperating from her storyline arm injury for a long time, which makes it at least nice that WWE drafted her to Raw, instead of ignoring her like Eva Marie.
Alexa Bliss Stays On Raw
Similarly, Raw is keeping ahold of Alexa Bliss, while she’s out recovering from sinus surgery and holding a funeral service for Lilly.
The Miz & John Morrison Stay On Raw
Miz and Morrison are sticking on Raw to continue working out their differences. Are they still doing that? I dunno.
Doudrop Stays On Raw
And best of this group, Doudrop is staying on Raw, and hey at least she got picked over Eva Marie right? Right?
The Fine Tier, But They Moved
Moving up the rankings now to the People Who Moved Brands, And It Was Fine, which is a little better than the last group because, I dunno? At least they got to do something.
Aliyah To SmackDown
And speaking of someone finally getting to do something, Aliyah was drafted to SmackDown, after what seemed like an eternity in NXT. Oh, that precarious Robert Stone brand.
Gable Steveson To Raw
Olympic Athlete Gable Steveson was one of the most surprising picks of the night, already being drafted to Raw despite just entering training with the company.
Carmella To Raw
Carmella is red money now rather than blue money. No word on whether her Creepy Gucci Sex Mask is also being drafted.
Zelina Vega To Raw
She’s joined on Raw by Zelina Vega, who’ll probably pick up a win over there at some point. With three hours, there’s slightly less chance she’ll be cut for time.
Jeff Hardy To SmackDown
Also Jeff Hardy is moving to Smackdown, and people like Jeff Hardy, so that’s nice.
The New Raw Tag Division
Let’s top this group by talking about the Raw Tag Division, which, you know, it’s a division now at least.
It’s not as good as SmackDown’s post-draft but there are some teams here I guess? The Dirty Dawgs are on Raw now.
Big news for all those Dirty Dawgs fans, please make yourselves known, there has to be some of you.
Also heading over from Smackdown to boost the Raw tag division are Mysterio & Son, Apollo Crews and his giant military friend Azeez, Alpha Academy and best of all The Street Profits. Like, that’s not bad!
The Good Tier
And now the actually properly positive part of this incredibly loose ranking list, the People Who Didn’t Move Brands, And It Was Good.
Sami Zayn Stays On SmackDown
Sami Zayn was picked last for Smackdown, which absolutely suits his character and the blue brand is absolutely the right place for him.
Toni Storm Stay On SmackDown
Ditto Toni Storm, her vs. Sasha sooner rather than later please.
AJ Styles & Omos Stay On Raw
AJ Styles and Omos are staying a team for now on Raw, to try and regain their titles from another team sticking around, RK-Bro and it’s very adorable those two were drafted together, the friendship is real.
Keith Lee Stays On Raw
Keith “Bearcat” Lee is staying on Raw and man I feel like I should be ranking this lower but Keith Lee is just so delightful, and hey at least he got to picked on the actual show itself.
Naomi Stays On SmackDown
Naomi is still on SmackDown so hopefully we can finally have her join The Bloodline alongside the Usos, the best team in the entire company right now, who are also staying blue.
Cesaro Stays On SmackDown
Speaking of the workhorse brand, Cesaro is staying on Smackdown where hopefully he’ll be still swinging around the upper mid-card.
Sasha Banks Stays On SmackDown
Sasha Banks is staying on SmackDown, which is excellent because Sasha is excellent and wherever she ends up is better for her.
Damian Priest Stays On Raw, Shinsuke Nakamura & Rick Boogz Stay On SmackDown
Damian Priest is keeping the US title on Raw, his momentum rolling by being a second round pick, ditto King Nakamura & his adorable pet Boogz who are staying blue through and through and keeping the IC title on SmackDown.
The Hurt Business Stay On Raw
The newly reformed Hurt Business, Bobby Lashley, MVP, Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin are all staying on Raw, which is a wonderful thing because during the Pandemic Era they were one of the few great things about the red brand.
Roman Reigns Stays On SmackDown
And, of course, The number one pick in the entire draft for a good reason, Roman Reigns is staying on SmackDown to ooh ahh all he likes at the head of his table.
The Good Tier, But They Moved
And finally we’re going to end this ranking with the People Who Moved Brands, And It Was Good the best part of any draft, where their announcement fills you with a vague sense of excitement and hope for the future.
The New SmackDown Tag Division
Starting with the SmackDown tag division, which has got a whole bunch more exciting with the assimilation of Viking Raiders, Humberto Carillo & Angel Garza, and Mansoor & Ali, all incredibly athletic and underutilized teams, all of which could run against the Usos immediately and create some magic.
Liv Morgan To Raw
One of the most underrated performers in recent memory Liv Morgan will be looking to keep the momentum she had on smackdown, rolling on Raw.
Ricochet to SmackDown
And bloody hell if there’s a superstar who needs some quick smackdown rehabilitation, it’s Ricochet. Can we have him vs. Cesaro on pay-per-view, please? Please we’ve been ever so good.
Mia Yim To Raw
Congratulations to Mia Yim, who’ll be making her debut on Raw, a show that she has NEVER APPEARED ON BEFORE. SHE HAS NEVER APPEARED ON BEFORE.
Sheamus & Ridge Holland To SmackDown
Sheamus is joining his former Barmate, big tony on Smackdown, can’t wait to see Shamo mixing it up with bruisers like, for example, Ridge Holland, who’s also been drafted from NXT to SmackDown.
Pete Dunne doesn’t need a tag partner anyway.
Drew Gulak To SmackDown
Another perpetually underrated star, Drew Gulak is moving from Raw to SmackDown, which absolutely feels like a better fit for him.
Finn Balor To Raw
Finn Balor is turning tail and running to Raw, before Roman Reigns sics god on his ass again, and Finn I’m so sorry. Maybe the demon will be treated better over there.
Kevin Owens To Raw
Monday Night Owens is back on the air, with KO headed back to Raw, which is getting a pretty fantastic main event scene, with Seth Rollins, and Edge both heading to the red side of the tracks.
Drew McIntyre To SmackDown
Honestly, the SmackDown main event scene is looking a little bit barren post-draft, so thank god at least one challenger for Roman’s title has entered the arena, as Drew McIntyre is headed to SmackDown for the first time since his return to the company.
Hit Row To SmackDown
Something that we all can celebrate, as they’re absolutely amazing, is Hit Row is moving to SmackDown in its entirety. That is awesome, please don’t ruin them, WWE.
Bianca Belair To Raw
Bianca Belair is heading to Raw for the first time, chasing Becky Lynch, who we assume she’s absolutely not finished with. Really awesome to see the EST be picked so quickly.
Shayna Baszler To SmackDown
Shayna Baszler will hopefully continue her much-needed ruthless aggression as she heads over to SmackDown, although in kayfabe it’s not entirely clear why the SmackDown GMs are so eager to sign someone who’s set on breaking all their talents arms.
Becky Lynch To Raw & Charlotte Flair To SmackDown
Sticking with the women’s division, perhaps the most interesting story coming out of the draft is that Smackdown Women’s champ Becky Lynch and Raw Women’s Champ Charlotte are swapping brands.
What does this mean for their respective belts, will they be dropping them, maybe at Crown Jewel, or will they do a physical swap like Street Profits and New Day did. I hope not that one.
Big E To Raw
And finally, ending on a true high, Big E may have been separated from his besties one more time, but he’s been officially drafted to be the main man on WWE’s flagship show, and that’s f**king wonderful news.
Good for Big E. Long may he reign.
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