A wrestler’s ring name can be the make or break of an entire act, and while some iconic names have lived on through the ages and have never aged at all, like team names ending with a Z which was super rad and gnarly at the time, others were already silly from the get-go.
I haven’t got a silly name thankfully, but then I have so many other faults as a human that I may as well be called Lusty McSwallow. Also, I’m incredibly short.
Anyway, time to try and deflect the attention away from my many and serious character flaws by looking at some of the worst names in wrestling history.
This video has in no way been inspired by a certain Viking based team being called up the WWE’s main roster, and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. Only kidding, I won’t fight anyone, I’m very short.
Special mentions go out to Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, Skip Sheffield….and basically everyone from the original Nexus and early NXT seasons.
With that said, my name is Pete Quinnell, and it’s time to look at what we think are the worst names in wrestling history.
9. The Viking Experience
“They are known as the Viking Experience!” announced Michael Cole.
“NO THEY’RE F***ING NOT” replied literally everyone.
When The War Raiders, and even that’s bad compared to War Machine, debuted on Raw, people were excited…briefly, because I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Twitter explode quite as much as when people realised the current NXT Tag Champions were no longer the War Raiders and had been renamed to the Viking Experience.
The Viking Experience isn’t a tag team. It’s a dodgy massage, it’s a spa treatment at a Norwegian hotel, it’s my favourite porn category…hmm…what I’m trying to say is, whoever thought that naming these two fellas after a theme park attraction should be pillaged.
There are suggestions that WWE doesn’t want “War” in the title of a tag team, but then surely you just change it to the “Raiders” or the “Disagreement Assailants” according to my good buddy Thesaurus.com
The worst part about this name change was that Vince McMahon clearly thinks that no one watches NXT and would therefore not have an issue with the name change.
That’s just not the case anymore, Vinny, and while the name change got people talking, they’re talking about how stupid you’re being, not about anything good. Ya plonker.
8. Dolph Ziggler
This was my choice, despite all the evidence suggesting there are worse names, this was my choice and all grievances can be directed to @PeteQuinnell on Twitter.
Also, unfollow me. Datson wrote this part of the script, can you tell?
Originally a part of the Spirit Squad, because that was a thing that happened, old Dolph is the only one of the quintet who actually made it out with any degree of dignity left.
This was quickly dashed however when they decided to call him Dolph Ziggler. Neither of those two names are names.
You can’t just call people two random words. What’s next, Hamster Coaster vs. Battery Bowtie? Yeah, I’m not very funny.
It’s amazing that he’s managed to hang around in WWE’s upper midcard for so long to be honest, and it’s a testament to the fact that he’s actually a very good wrestler.
If you’re wondering why he was given this name, all you have to know is that he debuted in 2008, a time when everyone debuting in WWE had a stupid name.
I almost think they just wanted to have someone with a move called the “Zig Zag” and then worked backwards from that.
7. Beaver Cleavage
One for all you furries out there *wink*.
Of all the dam-building mammals, beavers definitely have the best cleavages, and I’m not taking any arguments.
This was the actual ring name (briefly) of one Charles Warrington, who is best known as Mosh of the headbangers.
When his Headbangers tag partner Thrasher was sidelined with a knee injury, Mosh was repackaged as Beaver Cleavage, a creepy man-baby who would exchange sexual innuendos with his on-screen mother, who was called, you guessed it, “Mrs Not Objectified”, oh wait, she was called “Mrs Cleavage”. Thanks, Freud.
One of the more disturbing innuendos was when Mrs. Cleavage offered Beaver some “Mother’s Milk” when he complained about his cereal was dry.
Thankfully this was a very short-lived gimmick and he soon changed his name to Chaz, which is much cooler…hey, at least he wasn’t a balding short guy in a hat.
6. Kung Fu Naki
He’s Japanese. Kung Fu is Chinese. As a blackbelt in Feng Shui, I should know.
Better known as Funaki and one half of the adorable Japanese Announce team at WWE pay-per-views, Funaki was actually just called Funaki, his real-life surname until 2008 when he revealed that his actual full name is Kung Fu Naki. I can relate. My real name is Pete Quinnellephant.
If you think that Funaki started his time in WWE as part of Kai En Tai, a faction that once tried to cut off Val Venis’ penis, you may say that being called Kung Fu Naki is actually one of the better things that happened to him during his career.
Those of you with bigger brains than me (all of you) will have noticed that his name has Kung Fu in it, the famous Chinese martial art.
Upon becoming Kung Fu Naki, he altered his moveset to be more like a theatrical martial artist, because WWE is really respectful when it comes to appreciating cultures.
Amazingly, the gimmick never caught on and he was released in 2010.
5. Thurman “Sparky” Plugg
Oh, Hardcore Holly, what did they do to you?
Thurman is…an interesting first name. Combine that with the nickname “Sparky”, which by itself isn’t overly terrible, and the last name of Plugg, and you have…I don’t even know what this is.
Is he an electrician? A car enthusiast? A hyper-active man?
Why is he named after a sparkplug, one of the least intimidating parts of a car, shortly after air conditioning and a satnav. He could have been named the engine, or the hood, or the exhaust pipe, I don’t know.
Luckily this name didn’t stick around for long, and he was quickly changed to Bob “Sparkplug” Holly, which is…fine. I guess.
He underwent further transformations later on in his career to become just Bob Holly, then Hardcore Holly, which is much, much better.
4. Mantaur
Mantaur. Man. Taur. Okay, so. A Minotaur, that beast from Greek mythology, is already half-human, half-bull, so does that make Mantaur… three-quarters human and a quarter bull? Wait that can’t be right, because this is a full four quarters of bulls**t.
“The Minotaur” would be a fine nickname for a wrestler. Lars “The Minotaur” Sullivan, or Andre “The Minotaur” The Giant. Big “The Minotaur” Show. Va “The Minotaur” der.
Okay so it might not fit most wrestlers, but it could still work as just a nickname to showcase the brutish nature of them, but Mantaur?
To the surprise of no-one, the character lasted about 6 months before trampling its way off our screens.
3. Terra Ryzin
There are some names in the wrestling world, that after a while, you just get used to and forget that they’re actually really bad. Dolph Ziggler would be one of them, another would be Triple H.
Trips hasn’t exactly had the greatest run with wrestling names, being called Hunter Hearst Helmsley prior to the abbreviation, but amazingly, he had an even worse one before that.
Back in his WCW days, a young Paul Levesque genuinely, legitimately, 100% came to the ring, billed as Terra Ryzin.
Now, there are some bad names in history that have bad puns riffing off an actual name, just as Justin Credible. But at least that actually has the name Justin in it. What sort of a name is Terra?
And then you make the laboured pun of terrorizing by sticking Ryzin after it, it’s just…one of the worst names in the history of wrestling.
I think there was a terror that was rising with this name, and that’s Paul Levesque’s terror of using that name. My god.
2. Isaac Yankem DDS
This is a relatively well known one, but still very, very bad nonetheless. Before Glen Jacobs would find success becoming The Devil’s Favourite Demon, he had an appointment to become The Dentist’s Favourite Demon. Wait no, sorry, just…a dentist. Right.
Isaac Yankem DDS was born, and he was just that, a dentist. Crap Gimmick Wrestling, anyone? Bad gimmick or not, the name alone is a crime all on its own.
Yankem, d’you get it? Because he yanks teeth. Because he’s a bad dentist. Ha.
I also like the fact they felt the need to include the DDS in his name, just to emphasise that he is an actual dentist who got his qualifications legitimately… but also wrestles in the WWF in his downtime.
Because a dentist’s wage is of course not enough to make a living off.
Isaac was yanked off our screens after having a surprisingly lengthy run, lasting over a year from 1995 to 1996, before he was thankfully repackaged as Kane.
1. Chilly McFreeze
So this is arguably the worst name on this list, but in fairness to it, it didn’t actually ever materialise. But still, the fact this was even considered is a travesty.
Right, backstory time. Stone Cold Steve Austin had just made his from WCW to WWF, but had been shackled with the objectively not great name of The Ringmaster, and was being managed by Ted DiBiase.
After only a few weeks, Austin suggested his character should be more cold-hearted and ruthless, so he was sent a list of names to choose from, which were all genuinely serious suggestions.
There were a couple of incredible examples in here, such as Baron von Ruthless, Ice Dagger and Fang McFrost, but one above all took the cake.
Chilly McFreeze. Chilly McFreeze. I have no idea what they were thinking. A cold-hearted, ruthless serial killer type of character called…Chilly McFreeze.
It sounds more like the latest option at McDonald’s or a kid’s option you’d buy from an ice cream van, not the name of a ruthless wrestler.
Luckily cooler heads, or in this case, warmer heads prevailed, and the name “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was settled on. Can you imagine? The Rock vs Chilly McFreeze at WrestleMania X-Seven?
CHILLY MCFREEZE.
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