Well, not everything be the Winged Eagle, can it? In the kayfabe world of wrestling the achievement of a big gold cumberbund is everything. As wise man Kevin Owens once said, “I fight for a prize, that is the prize, that means more money, that means a better life” and the championship should reflect that in its design. The NXT UK championship, gorgeous, the big gold belt, historic, the gift of the gods championship, wonderfully mortal kombat stupid, a good title belt represents an athlete at the peak of their carrers, the envy of their colleagues and someone whose trousers are definitely NOT going to fall down which is the highest mark of nobility in all the land. Some of these belts however, resemble more of a dunces cap than a symbol of achievement, some wrestlers should be fighting to NOT wear them and some represent the most shocking sartorial snafus sighted in a squared circle.
These are the 11 Worst Wrestling Championship Belts Ever
11. The NWA Made Some Terrible Belts You Guys
The National Wrestling Alliance was founded over 70 years ago and was once the dominant brand in the wrestling industry. However, being over 70 doesn’t always mean you’re great, as proven by your crap granddad, tell me another story about old coins idiot, and some of the designs the NWA have dribbled out over the decade wouldn’t be good enough for Blind Ham Johnson’s Shack of Antiquital Bulls***. Cases in point, Lou Thesz’s tiny NWA World Heavyweight belt it looked like he made from some old coins your crap grandad would tell you about, this version of the NWA JUNIOR Heavyweight Championship that looks like it’s have your f***ing appendix out if you bend to tie your shoelaces and honestly, come at me all you want, but the famous NWA World Heavyweight Championship, the Ric Flair, Harley Race belt, one of the most important bits of hardware in the history of rough and tumble, it’s … like… it’s bad, guys. It’s squat, the colours on the flags really clash, it looks cheap, the US flag being off to one side gives in a distracting asymmetry and also, and you won’t be able to unsee this I’m sorry. It looks like a face with derpy eyes and a big clown nose. Not since mick jagger has something so ugly meant so much to so many.
10. Jam That Jam
Like the NWA Heavyweight belt, the Universal Championship is proof that we can get used to anything if it sticks around long enough. Btw, for those wondering, jam that jam is a reference to a tattoo that hulk hogan has on his forearm that says I am that I am, but it actually looks like it says Jam that Jam. Anyway, yes, the big red sticky mess that is the universal belt, a design so horrible it ruined an entire summerslam. And you know what, yes it’s terrible, yes it looks infected and yes it looks more like someone carrying around a skinned animal carcass than a championship, but ALL of WWE top belts are a homogenous shambles right now. Raw Womens’s, Smackdown Women’s, WWE, Bluniversal, they’re all the same f***ing belt and it’s just an ugly corporate logo on a strap. Yes, we’re all used to the WWE championship design, but we must never forget that wwe championships used to look like this, and not a gift shop keyring.
9. Penny For Your Tag Belts
For some reason, the wrestling industry has found it really hard to get tag championships right. The WCW cruiserweight tag belts eagle design made them look like something a boy scout would be embarrassed to wear, the WWE women’s tag belts look like hubcaps for a rich kids tricycle and even New Japan Pro Wrestling, who otherwise make some of the most beautiful belts in existence, knocked out a pair of junior heavyweight tag belts that are so small and flimsy it looks like something the champions picked up at the merch stand before the show. And then we come to WWE tag straps, the smashed penny belts, like you’ve come in joint third at the caesars palace fancy dress competition for roman perverts. Ugly brown manhole covers made even worse by this god awful branded red and blue strap phrase that WWE insists on going through. The raw belts look like someone’s pierced a pair of giant dogs tongues and the smackdown ones look like someone’s sewn pocket change onto a mouldy sock. WWE, keep the intercontinental and the us titles, and send the rest of your main roster titles back to the shop, because you were ripped off, pal
8. Look At My Belt Belts
It is legitimately not fair to rag on indie promotions belts. They do not have the resources that major companies do, although look at these, sweet christ. But seeing as they’re partner with Amazon and ring of honour it’s a little less harsh to go after Dojo Pro seeing as its a show on Amazon Prime and made in association with ROH. The concept is actually quite fun. Every episode is one match as part of a winner stays on style gauntlet. Two men fight, with the winner carrying a white belt into the next episode, as someone new steps up to try and take it from him with the winner of the whole gauntlet getting a black belt. Pretty cool, except the belts look like this OH NO. It’s a belt belt and it’s a big yikes. Especially when people insist on carrying it on their shoulder. Like i get it, it was a new format and they tried something new, and that’s to be praised, you should check out the show itself, but the belts are bad and everyone involved should feel bad.
7. Concrete Jungle Where Belts Are Made Bad
We all like Tommy Dreamer, even though he has a slightly disconcerting vibe of Will Do Anything To Get On TV. He’s like Tom Greene got old – wait a minute – checks notes – he’s like Tom Green. He’s a cuddly glutton for punishment whose peak in WWE was winning this way too big silver slab of an ECW championship. A lot of people rag on the WWECW title design but it’s a michelangelo compared to another piece of hardware Tommy once strutted around. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the New York Hardcore Title and check please. In 2002, the wwe hardcore title belt was literally falling apart. Sure, it was always part of the joke of the hardcore title that it looked like literal trash but it was actually rotting, so WWE briefly extended its life by slapping the belt on bradshaw and renaming it the Texas Hardcore Title replete with a clip art texan flag plate on the front. Looks like the magikarp to the US title’s gyarados. When Tommy Dreamer won the belt later that year they gave us this, which is literally the old retired wwf european championship belt with a new york license plate glued on the front complete with a gift shop lady liberty holding a singapore cane. What better way of WWE thanking its spiritual home territory than this, which wouldn’t even be the top prize at your dad’s fight club. Fun fact, this awful version of the belt was the last iteration of the title before it was retired on Raw by Rob Van Dam in a unification match.
6. Rated Arse
Look, it spins, you know, for kids! So let’s talk about spinner belts and the grown white men who carried them. Easily the worst thing John Cena ever did was introduce a phase of toy titles to the WWE. The most famous is the vajazzled WWE Championship that ran for an unforgivable 8 years. It span, it was covered in more tacky gems than your mother’s wedding dress and worst of all, instead of saying champion it said ‘champ’. How humiliating, and TNA once fired shots at WWE by taking a replica of the spinner belt, sticking a beer bottle to the front and giving it to James Storm as the TNA Beer Drinking Championship, savage gardens. However, the WWE Championship is not the worst spinner belt WWE created, it looked important at least, and we got used to it over time, the US title was a lot worse, it would have been laughed out of the Vanilla Ice middle-school craft fair. And then there’s this, the Rated R Spinner Belt. The Worst of a bad bunch. Look at my terrible belt said John Cena, Hold my Moosehead, says Edge. How do you make the spinner belt worse, by adding an ugly clashing middle panel that looked like a rub on tattoo that comes free with a terrible skateboard magazine. Thank god it only lasted a month.
5. Ok Boomer
If you ask me, and I’m well aware that you haven’t, and no one should, the most beautiful belt in WWE right now is the NXT North American Championship. Rich coloured leather strap, geographical rather than corporate decoration, it’s a design with a classic feel. However, it does look very similar to one of the worst belts ever worn in the company and this one’s classic in all the wrong ways. The briefly used, first ever iteration of the then-called WWWF championship. Look at it. Oh f***. It’s lisa’s florida costume, but a belt. Where do we start – the wrestling figures that look like they’re kissing on the side plates, the wonky eagle, the fact that if you bend down, Maine will have your large intestines out. Bruno Sammartino beat Buddy Rogers in MSG in 1963 to win this. This is the first ever iteration of what we now call the WWE Championship. They hastily replaced it with this design, which is… better, but you’ll never forget your first, no matter how much you want to.
4. I Gotta Do Me
Personalised championships, sometimes you get a smoking skull belt, which is great. Sometimes you get the Brahma Bull belt, and nothing says badass like electric moo moos. Sometimes you get The Fiend’s look at my face belt, which looks sort of half decent in shadow but in the light of day looks mega derpy. Both of those are bad, but there are two personalised belts that stand head and s*** above the rest. The first is Jay Briscoe’s ROH Championship in Ring of Honor. A lot going on with this one. The camo strap, like he’s been a patient boy and saved up all his COD points, the bearded skull design but crap cherry on the problematic sundae are the little confederate flags. I’m sure you’re just a big fan of ‘tradition’ Jay briscoe. A real good old belt. The second terrible personalised title… Well, that deserves an entry of it’s very own.
3. Jeff Hardy Is History’s Greatest Monster
Jeff Hardy was one of my favourite wrestlers when I first started watching wrestling. He’s beloved, he’s a legend, please never let him design anything ever again. He made Wiilow, aka what would happen if the penguin and sting had a baby and that baby was also a My Chemical Romance tree, he made face makeup that looks like a member of sesame street having a severe allergic reaction, but worst of all, he made the immortal belt. It’s based on one of his paintings and oh my sweet jesus. Purple strap, dangerous points, and oh no that face, like if Dr Manhattan found himself at burning man, the design even comes with earplugs. Fun fact, there have been multiple jeff hardy personalised belts. Here’s another one. Oh the deep terror.
2. What Women Want
Bloody hell the women of WWE have had to carry around some bulls*** in their time haven’t they? The Women’s Championship that Fabulous Moolah carried around had a picture of her headshot on it like a princess diana commemorative plate, the belt that Alundra Blaze held pretty much by herself was alright until she f***ing binned it, then came the years of the bit of burnt sausage skin, can’t believe we’d become nostalgic for that stretched turd. Never forget the awful laycool belt where they each carried a shattered half of the championship. The modern belts that Smackdown and Raw have are much better, but again like the WWE championship, they’re just a gaudy corporate logo, the women’s tag championships are toys and now we have to talk about the butterfly belt. The divas championship was created in 2008 and ran all the way until 2016 and it was the utter, utter worst.
1. Look At This Rinky Dink Piece of S***
The 24/7 Championship. F***ing hell. It looks like the world’s bleakest sobriety chip. It looks like the kind of plate millionaires eat off when they’re pretending to eat at a diner for class conscious kinkplay. It’s looks like the physical manifestation of “that’ll do”. It looks like something Slick Rick would wear around his neck. It looks like Donald Trump’s frisbee. It looks like your least favourite child’s least favourite drawing. It looks like something that Rob Gronkowski would carry around. It looks like God died. Like, yeah ok, it’s a joke title, and it’s done great things for R-Truth, but shouldn’t it also look like something that someone would want to win? Should it look like anything other than a drawing on a napkin? Is this how far it’s come that the number 1 and wealthiest wrestling company in the world would put this out there and we just accept it? Who did this? Why did this? Let’s just… look at the IWGP heavyweight Championship. There. All better.
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