Of all WWE’s shortcomings, perhaps none are as immediately apparent as its lack of true babyfaces. That was the thought running through my mind as SmackDown Live got underway last night.
WWE’s policy of foregoing traditional babyfaces and heels, instead promoting an atmosphere where everyone exists in various shades of grey, doesn’t add complexity. It doesn’t make people multifaceted or produce interesting character arcs. It just makes everyone a diluted version of what previously worked.
Taking recent events as an example, has anyone on the roster established themselves as clearly identifiable heroes or villains? Seth Rollins indiscriminately batters people with chairs for little to no reason, Kofi Kingston routinely relies on Xavier Woods to help him defeat his opponents, Ricochet teamed up with two heels to pin Braun Strowman, and Alexa Bliss sincerely (and believably) presented herself as the victim of Bayley’s bullying.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BzJxAJ_h3Ps/
Given the circumstances, there’s an argument to be made that the best babyface in WWE is currently R-Truth – a sentiment that appears to be supported by a poll conducted by the company itself. And he just ruined a man’s wedding in the name of a meaningless title! Even disregarding that dark chapter, that is a troubling thought. A man who appears for five minutes a week, usually either backstage or under the ring, should never be considered a company’s top hero.
By way of contrast, consider for a moment all of wrestling’s boom periods. It’s likely they all had something in common: a compelling, relatable hero. Be it Bruno Samartino, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Steve Austin, The Rock… they each represented the voice of a generation. They perfectly embodied the fans’ desires. Their motivations were our motivations. Their goals, ours.
There’s a reason why the mid-to-late 2000s are widely considered to be a depressing, barren period for WWE. Sure, a lot of it had to do with the underwhelming in-ring product and some shoddy booking. But, like the decade which came before, all of that could’ve been overcome with compelling character work. However, instead of Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin to shoulder the load, all we had were John Cena, Randy Orton and Triple H. Polarising characters, to say the least. And certainly none of them overwhelming, era-defining heroes.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BzHNTHUB9Wj/
WWE faces a similar problem today. Unlike Seth, Kofi and Becky, the great fan favourites of yester-year didn’t nail their opponents with low blows in moments of desperation, rely on their stablemates for timely interference or apologise to the authority figures. Would Hulk Hogan ever have apologised to Triple H and Stephanie like Becky did? Of course not! The Hulkster doesn’t apologise for anything… he just warns you to be vigilant around cameras, brother.
But all is not lost. Perhaps this could be the point where things turn around. Maybe SmackDown could be the start of a new chapter for the company’s babyfaces. So in that spirit, let’s get to the review.
The Best of SmackDown Live
More Shane-aningans
Of all of Shane’s various feuds (and there sure are A LOT of them), his program with The Miz interests me most. Admittedly it’s slim pickings on the McMahon front, and saying his feud with The Miz is my favourite is like saying Burnin’ Up is my favourite Jonas Brothers song. They’re largely all terrible.
ATTN: #SDLive roster
Do NOT get on @shanemcmahon's bad side tonight, because, frankly, HE'S PISSED!
Sincerely, @WWE pic.twitter.com/avFTSD1Yyz
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
But I nevertheless feel like he has the most chemistry with The Miz. This week, Shane set up a 2-out-of-3 falls match between Elias and The Miz (which you can read more about on the next page). Needless to say, Shane all but guaranteed the match would be riddled with nonsense when he accompanied Elias to ringside.
Sure enough, Elias picked up the first fall after some Shane interference. Then, just as Miz looked set to even the tally, McMahon broke up the finish for the clear DQ. However, rather than transition into the decisive third fall, Shane and Elias continued to absolutely ragdoll Miz around the ring. They relentlessly beat down ‘The Awesome One’, eventually punctuating matters with the kind of awful-looking spear that only Shane can deliver. This allowed Elias to easily pick up the final pinfall and the victory. And then Shane hit a coast-to-coast – because why not?
If you piss off @shanemcmahon, you face the consequences. #SDLive @IAmEliasWWE @mikethemiz pic.twitter.com/HYMepz8rBq
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
While this match was exactly what you’d expect from Elias and Miz, and the beatdown arguably lasted way too long, I can still appreciate a mediocre heel when I see one. And nothing embodies mediocrity quite like Shane McMahon.
A Knock on the Door
Aleister Black was once again slowly losing his mind in the little, dark room he inhabits on Tuesday nights. It must be claustrophobic as hell in there. The absolute least someone could do is crack a window, or play the soothing sounds of the pan flute.
Instead the ‘Dutch Destroyer’ was left to slowly suffer a psychological break, facing the prospect of another week in which no one challenges him.
But then there was a knock on the door.
Finally. Someone knocks. #SDLive @WWEAleister pic.twitter.com/wqJxaP0NNB
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
I’ve hated this segment since it’s very beginning, but even I have to admit that I’m somewhat intrigued by it now. We didn’t actually see who the challenger was, but the speculation should be enough to carry us through to next week. Is it Bray Wyatt? Andrade? Jeff from catering? Or, as recent reports suggest, someone else entirely?
The Miraculous Loss
In yet another 2-out-of-3 falls match, Kofi Kingston once again found himself battling Dolph Ziggler, with a spot in the Extreme Rules title match on the line. After two entirely inconsequential falls – a rollup from Kofi and a superkick from Ziggler – we headed into the deciding encounter all tied up.
.@TrueKofi: 1️⃣@HEELZiggler: 1️⃣
Who's going to get the last fall? #2OutOf3Falls #SDLive pic.twitter.com/KV7hLSrM7R
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
Surprisingly though, the third fall was genuinely exciting – in fact possibly the best series that Kofi and Ziggler have had so far. Kofi kicked out of everything Ziggler threw at him, including a well-executed Zig-Zag. As an increasingly frustrated Dolph grew more reckless, he set up for a superkick… and missed. Kofi went for a Trouble in Paradise, which Dolph ducked. But then, after a further flurry of reversals, Kingston threw Ziggler against the ropes and landed the final kick as his opponent rebounded towards him.
As mentioned, this was an unexpectedly good encounter that grew fairly compelling towards the end. Mercifully though, Kofi won. Which means that the WWE Champion will go on to face Samoa Joe in a one-on-one contest at Extreme Rules. And Dolph will go back to… I’m not really sure. Whatever Dolph usually does when he isn’t contaminating title feuds.
Yet again, it could've been @HEELZiggler, but it was @TrueKofi.
Therefore, @HEELZiggler will not be competing in the #WWETitle Match at #ExtremeRules. pic.twitter.com/O8UancyUwi
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
The Worst of SmackDown Live
It Should’ve Been… Literally Anyone Else
SmackDown Live opened with a whole lot of jibber-jabber this week. Shane talked about Roman Reigns and the Undertaker in a backstage segment. A short time later, Kofi took to the ring to talk about Samoa Joe. And then, just when I thought we’d gotten rid of him, Dolph Ziggler interrupted to do some talking of his own. I swear this awful feud will outlive us all. We’ll all be in our 80s, still griping about the latest Dolph / Kofi bout (which will likely be another 2-out-of-3 falls match the way things are going).
.@SamoaJoe isn't the only Superstar @TrueKofi should be thinking about, because @HEELZiggler isn't finished with the #WWEChampion! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/w2eMh5eMX1
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
Anyway, Dolph said some things about how he was cheated out of the title at Stomping Grounds and should be WWE Champion. I still have no clue what Ziggler babbles about each week. He finally ended his refrain by announcing that he would once again be facing Kofi in a 2-out-of-3 falls contest later in the night, with the proviso that if he wins that match, he would be added to the pay-per-view contest between Kingston and Samoa Joe at Extreme Rules.
We then cut to Miz searching for Shane McMahon backstage, but finding Elias instead. Some more talking ensued between the two men, and Miz stormed off just as Shane emerged from his locker room. After learning from Elias that Miz was looking for a match against him, Shane looked to accommodate the request… provided Miz could beat Elias.
If @mikethemiz wants to settle his "unfinished business" with @ShaneMcMahon, he has to go through @IAmEliasWWE first… in a #2OutOf3Falls Match! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/vM5tNcy7WD
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) June 26, 2019
Oh, and that match would also be 2-out-of-3 falls. Am I living in the bloody Twilight Zone?
Tag Team Chumps
Less than 24 hours after The New Day pinned Daniel Bryan on Raw, they repeated the feat on SmackDown Live. Just as the match ended though, Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens ran down to attack Xavier Woods and Big E. That pairing was however quickly intercepted by Heavy Machinery, who cleared the ring of all four heels.
CHARGE!!!!
An #8ManTag Match of @FightOwensFight & @SamiZayn and @WWEDanielBryan & @ERICKROWAN vs. @WWEBigE & @XavierWoodsPhD and @tuckerwwe & @otiswwe is coming your way RIGHT NOW! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/SWjXNNg564
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
This mess of humanity could apparently only be sorted out by an 8-man tag match, which was won by the babyface contingent when Heavy Machinery nailed Sami with the Compactor.
So Bryan & Rowan were effectively beaten twice in quick succession (and once the night before). That’s B-Team levels of inefficiency, folks!
I have no idea why WWE seems so intent on burying its tag team champions, but they couldn’t possibly be doing a better job if they tried. Presumably this is leading to some form of triple threat tag match between the aforesaid champions, The New Day and Heavy Machinery. But why should anyone invest in that match? If Bryan & Rowan lose, it’ll just be another in a long line. On the other hand, if they somehow retain, it’ll make their challengers look incompetent.
STEAKS, WEIGHTS, and PANCAKES! 🥩🏋️🥞@WWEBigE @XavierWoodsPhD @otiswwe & @tuckerwwe prevail on #SDLive! pic.twitter.com/Hg390ZD2GW
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
Championship Rematches
Nikki Cross somehow managed to book herself into a match against Bayley, with the kicker that victory over the SmackDown Women’s Champion would secure a title rematch for her mentor and best friend, Alexa Bliss.
It always bugs me when characters have no personal aspirations of their own. It leaves them without agency, thus largely invalidating their presence on the show. Now, you may say, this is exactly like when Xavier Woods and Big E ran the gauntlet to secure Kofi’s title shot at WrestleMania. And that’s true, except A) I didn’t like that either, and B) New Day didn’t book themselves into that match on Kofi’s behalf.
But either way, Cross managed to pin the champion with a surprise rollup. And then she ran around ringside, overcome with excitement to tell Alexa what she’d done for her.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BzJ5pE3BLw8/
So two weeks on, we’re in the exact same position we were in two weeks ago. My head hurts.
The 24/7 Confusion
R-Truth stumbled upon a rather crestfallen Drake Maverick backstage, who was clearly still struggling to reconcile the emotional trauma he’s suffered in the last week. Feigning sympathy for him, Truth offered up his 24/7 Championship. This momentary glimmer of hope was painfully ripped away however, when Truth revealed that this was no more than a cruel practical joke. He then scampered off as the usual bunch of goobers magically materialised to chase him.
Who is the babyface here? Because Maverick appears to be just a sympathetic, down-on-his-luck chap, while Truth came off as a real jerk. He ruined the man’s wedding, for goodness sake!
A New Intercontinental Challenger
Finn Bálor was being interviewed about who he expected to challenge for the Intercontinental Title. It took me a while to realise that the reason he was being asked was because he was the champion. Clean forgot that rather important point.
"Who's next for #ICChampion @FinnBalor?"
ENTER: The #KingOfStrongStyle @ShinsukeN.#SDLive pic.twitter.com/C2fZ6QwCZq
— WWE (@WWE) June 26, 2019
Regardless, Nakamura showed up and ‘too sweeted’ the belt, apparently answering the challenge. Soooo… that’s a championship program now? Still a better way to start a feud than slapping a Switch out of someone’s hands, I guess. Speaking of which…
A Worthwhile Payoff
After a month of build, Sonya Deville beat Ember Moon in about two minutes curtesy of a distraction by Mandy Rose. And then the victorious pair possibly teased a bit a romantic angle. That’s about all I’ve got to say about that.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BzJ6iwYhW2g/
Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: SmackDamn, SmackTastic, Smack Bang in the Middle, SmackDowner and A Smack in the Face)
I didn’t hate this edition of SmackDown Live. But I didn’t love it either. This was instead a sin far greater than being merely good or bad… it was boring. Which is a sentiment we’ve expressed far too often in relation to the blue brand in recent weeks.
For two hours, the show fluctuated between largely uneventful and entirely underwhelming. Dolph Ziggler reignited an already tired feud with Kofi, only for it to fall apart by the end of the show. The SmackDown tag champs were once again easily swept aside by the New Day. Shinsuke ‘too sweeted’ Bálor’s belt. Bayley and Alexa Bliss are facing off again at Extreme Rules. And Many Rose and Sonya Deville may be bringing back 2002’s HLA. I’d love to see how that goes over with the TV network.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BzKGYhQhp74/
Ironically, the best aspect of the show was something none of us even got to see, as someone finally knocked on Aleister Black’s door. (Man, try making that sentence sound interesting to your non-wrestling friends.)
This is all just a rather long-winded way of reiterating the central point: nothing of interest really happened. So, for being an entirely missable show, SmackDown this week is a SmackDowner.
Comments.
Loading comments…