Ever since the introduction of the Wild Card Rule, SmackDown Live has been on the slide.
Once considered the “wrestling show” by fans, the influx of Raw talent (and the baggage that inevitably brings) has flooded Tuesday nights with bad storylines, nauseating melodrama and boring feuds. SmackDown has devolved from being “the land of opportunity” into becoming “the abandoned field of Monday Night repeats”.
Nowhere is this depressing trend more apparent than with reference to the red, sweaty shape of Shane McMahon and his assorted minions. To make this point clear, I am actually more forgiving of Shane’s particular brand of narcissism than most. I think he does have some charisma, and wields enough corruptible authority to make him a viable heel worth conquering. So I’m not opposed to McMahon feuding with The Miz or Roman Reigns or Seth Rollins. As long as – and this is critical – it’s ONLY ONE of them.
Allowing the boss’ son to permeate every segment of SmackDown Live is not only tedious, it also robs other talent of earning a shot on TV. I would love to see Andrade, Bálor, Ember Moon and the Kabuki Warriors featured more prominently. Or Aleister Black find his way out of a storage closet. Perhaps receive visual confirmation that Buddy Murphy and Liv Morgan are still actively employed.
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But none of that is possible when each SmackDown needs to provide for four (or six, or twelve) Raw invaders. The red brand will always be viewed as the superior show in WWE’s eyes. And so, when guests from Monday night arrive, it means it has to come at the expense of Tuesday night talent.
With that said, the Raw presence wasn’t felt as acutely this week. Last night’s SmackDown Live was instead built around one solitary segment: the return of professional Twitter troll – and Mama Lynch enthusiast – Big E. This prospect alone should bode well for the show. But how did it ultimately play out? Let’s find out in the review.
The Best of SmackDown Live
The Pest of the World
Shane McMahon doesn’t rile me up as much as he does most others. I find the Chairman’s delusional son largely palatable. On a scale of raw mushrooms to roast potatoes, Shane is a solid boiled cabbage. Passable, if mostly still undesirable.
So when a beleaguered Miz was tasked with inviting Shane and his bunch of cronies onto MizTV to start the night, I didn’t curl up into an exasperated ball on my living room floor. That reaction is reserved for Baron Corbin segments.
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Instead I rather enjoyed Shane’s smarmy smugness, Elias’ signature musical performance and Drew’s terrifying promise of violence. Despite being handed a strict script to follow, Miz soon allowed his anger to get the best of him. He called Shane “a talentless hack who won the lottery by being born into the McMahon family“. Shane O’Mac fired back with his token joke about Miz’s dad sharing half his DNA with a baked potato.
A few tense seconds later and Shane booked Miz into a match. The ‘A-Lister’ would face Elias, then McIntyre, and – if he somehow managed to survive those two encounters – he’d get a shot at Shane.
Jokes aside, I rather enjoyed this opening segment. It reaffirmed Shane as the spoilt rich-kid who surrounds himself with bigger stars in an effort to appear more important. And set up Miz as the fighting underdog with the odds stacked against him. At least, I assume, until Roman Reigns turns up… (post-match edit: Roman never turned up).
The Gauntlet of Midcarders
Elias and Miz had exactly the type of match you’d expect Elias and Miz to have. It was a carefully-paced, entirely safe encounter that ran for about 5 minutes. To end the contest, Miz hit the Skull-Crushing Finale for the 1-2-3. On to Drew McIntyre (and, frustratingly, a commercial which took up three-quarters of the screen).
As with the first fall, Miz and Drew put on a broadly okay performance. It was mostly rest holds, broken up by the occasional power move. But by this point I was just waiting for the near inevitable Miz victory, and the ensuing face-off with Shane.
Things didn’t go quite as expected though. And I’m not just talking about Miz’s out-of-character attempt at a springboard… something… that ended with Miz slipping and almost breaking his neck. Instead, some Shane interference led to McIntyre landing the Claymore and pinning Miz.
Wait. Spoke too soon. #SDLive @shanemcmahon @mikethemiz https://t.co/99hjs3rwLX pic.twitter.com/dCmZQa1vSx
— WWE (@WWE) June 12, 2019
Despite losing the second bout, an overconfident Shane decided that Miz nevertheless deserved a crack at him and so called for the bell. A brief flurry by a resurgent Miz was, however, cut off by ‘The Best in the World’ who trapped Miz in the best triangle choke in the world. Miz passed out and Shane celebrated like it was Saudi Arabia in 2018!
The Yolo County Tag Team Champions
The Planet’s tag team champions were set to face two local jobbers, billed only as the “Yolo County Tag Team Champions”, in a tag title unification match. They even had pretty spiffy-looking paper titles, labelled with permanent marker. It was excellent.
Those are some beautiful titles. 😍😍 #SDLive pic.twitter.com/LQTvKxHSaK
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) June 12, 2019
Before the match could start though, Heavy Machinery’s music hit. The team of ‘steaks and weights’ felt that they were more deserving of a shot at the SmackDown Live Tag Team title holders. Bryan however, didn’t believe that Otis and Tucker had sufficiently proven themselves and so invited Heavy Machinery to have a crack at the jobbers.
The giant duo quickly dispatched of the ‘Best of Yolo County’, before thwarting an attempted blindsiding by Bryan and Rowan. From top to bottom, this was an entertaining segment. Heavy Machinery, the Planet’s Champion and two lads holding paper championships – what more could you ask for?
The Value of Six-Man Tags
SmackDown ended with what’s quickly becoming a WWE staple: the six-man tag match.
Just a day after Raw put on a similarly entertaining contest, SmackDown closed the night with the pre-advertised bout pitting the New Day against the team of Ziggler, KO and Sami Zayn.
This was a decent match, although nowhere near as flashy as the one we saw on Monday night. Once again, the contest was bogged down by WWE’s insistence on staying true to its rigid formula: one member of the babyface team gets worked over for most of the match, someone gets a hot-tag, everything breaks down and then one team wins.
On this occasion it was Xavier Woods who got isolated by the heels. He was worn down for far too long before hitting a DDT on Owens, affording him just enough time to tag in Big E. The Biggest of E’s (seriously, the dude is buff af) then ran wild on Owens, Sami and Ziggler, leading to complete chaos. Eventually Kofi and Sami became the legal men in the match, and the WWE Champion landed a Trouble in Paradise for the win.
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It was a fun, if largely forgettable, way to end the night.
The Worst of SmackDown Live
WWE Presents: the Mean Girls
Mandy Rose was still peddling dozens of her fitness magazines backstage. Those things must not be selling well.
Running into Ember Moon – who’s character now seems to be ‘girl who reads books backstage’ – Mandy dumped her collection into Moon’s arms. Some words were exchanged, Sonya Deville slapped the magazines out of Ember’s grasp, and then Moon completely flipped out.
Looks like @WWE_MandyRose & @SonyaDevilleWWE just sparked the 🔥… #SDLive @WWEEmberMoon pic.twitter.com/SlWp7KSXNa
— WWE (@WWE) June 12, 2019
This all felt very high shool-ish to me and I didn’t get any of it. Ember in particular seems to have regressed to the brink of irrelevancy.
Another Week, Another Garbage Truck Abduction
In an effort to hide from his perennial pursuers, R-Truth accidentally locked himself in a metal box. His cries for help were overheard by a passing Jinder Mahal, who for some reason decided to impersonate Carmella. Was the deception really necessary? It’s not as if Truth was going anywhere.
Regardless, Jinder left to find the tools to spring the 24/7 Champion from his iron prison, presumably so that he could pin him. However, when he returned, he discovered that R-Truth – still in the box – had been loaded onto a production truck headed to Los Angeles for next week’s Raw. So I’m guessing he’s dead now.
It somehow didn’t come entirely as a surprise that WWE starts packing up equipment an hour before SmackDown ends. That said, this entire angle just lacked the humour of previous 24/7 skits.
Fire and Desire
Sonya Deville got the best of Carmella in a very short match which featured plenty of shenanigans from Mandy Rose.
What friends are for? 🤷♀️ #SDLive @WWE_MandyRose @SonyaDevilleWWE pic.twitter.com/EICmHXabsP
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) June 12, 2019
Aside from being a nothing contest, it’s hard to see who benefits here. Carmella is widely considered a comedy sidekick these days, without enough of a reputation to make a victory over her meaningful. And Sonya needed a ridiculous amount of help from Rose to collect the pin, so she didn’t exactly walk away looking like championship material either.
Mean Girls Part 2
Alexa Bliss tried to manipulate Nikki Cross by insisting that Bayley had ‘liked’ an insulting comment about the Scotswoman on social media. But Alexa couldn’t show her the comment because she had blocked Bayley on Twitter months ago. I’d like to say that I was intrigued to learn then how Bliss could possibly have seen the post in the first place… but the truth is I really don’t care.
We knew things were bad between @itsBayleyWWE & @AlexaBliss_WWE, but we didn't know they were THAT bad! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/h5g6LAi19t
— WWE (@WWE) June 12, 2019
Perhaps this was a veiled dig at Sasha Banks recently liking tweets critical of WWE’s booking practices, perhaps it wasn’t. But feuds that centre around women being mean to one another on the internet literally means less than nothing to me. It generates negative interest. It actively makes me want to walk out of the room and never come back.
The match itself was okay, although the majority of it played out during a commercial break (typical!). Bayley won after landing an awful-looking elbow drop that appeared to catch Cross on the nose. And Alexa sulked at ringside.
Big E’s Lack of Answers
To consider this a bad aspect of SmackDown Live actually pains me. Because I love Big E. His Twitter game alone beats Raw’s third hour.
But on his official return from injury last night, I was left feeling rather exasperated. Sure, the New Day were their usual fun best – revelling in silliness, inside jokes, and general debauchery. But where is the continuity?
HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!! @WWEBigE is BACK on #SDLive! 🤗🤗🤗🤗 pic.twitter.com/dhNyZaM6mY
— WWE (@WWE) June 12, 2019
The last time we saw Big E, he was writhing in pain backstage, having been viciously attacked by Kevin Owens. An attack so brutal, I should add, that Big E was put back on the shelf for another two weeks.
And yet, none of this was mentioned. Apparently all is forgiven.
Almost as baffling, when Dolph, Owens and Zayn interrupted this happy reunion, they actually raised some valid points. In particular, Sami’s charge that Kofi needed to Woods to cheat on his behalf in order to beat Ziggler at Super ShowDown. Yet, this too was laughed off by the New Day without further explanation. It would be great if at least some of these strands could be tied up at some point.
A Man in a Dark Room
Aleister Black once again looked like he was delivering a eulogy at a cartoon witch’s funeral this week. He asked an offscreen helper to open the door and then yelled into the hallway for someone to come challenge him.
"WILL SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, PLEASE, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, PLEASE, PICK A FIGHT WITH ME!!!!!" – @WWEAleister
WHY IS NO ONE STEPPING UP?!?! #SDLive pic.twitter.com/2520YyXHLV
— WWE (@WWE) June 12, 2019
The only thing more ridiculous than Black not simply issuing a challenge from the ring, is the notion that every week he drives to an arena with his luggage in tow, finds a dark room with a camera in it, then just sits there for two hours. Presumably, once the 205 Live lads come out, he packs up his things, locks the door and thinks “oh well, maybe next week.” This is the literal definition of insanity!
Abandoned Storylines
We’ve already covered the glaring lack of any explanation as to what happened to Sami Zayn before Money in the Bank, or Big E backstage two weeks ago. But equally baffling are all the other strands that haven’t led anywhere.
A couple of weeks ago, the Kabuki Warriors were on a crusade to claim the Women’s Tag Team Titles. They haven’t been seen or heard from since. Along similar lines, Buddy Murphy made a big splash when he was announced as the blue brand’s newest recruit. Several weeks later, he challenged Ali during a commercial break. That also went nowhere.
There’s no excuse for this. If you can fit the abduction of R-Truth and Alexa Bliss ordering coffee onto the show, you can find time for Asuka, Kairi Sane and Buddy Murphy.
Overall Rating of the Show (From best to worst: SmackDamn, SmackTastic, Smack Bang in the Middle, SmackDowner and A Smack in the Face)
If there’s one way to describe this week’s instalment of SmackDown Live, it’s “phoned in”.
Promos were lacklustre, gags fell flat and the wrestling (when it wasn’t covered up by commercial breaks) was little more than passable. A few bright spots include the ever-reliable Miz pushing back against Shane McMahon’s smugness, a shocking tag team unification bout, and the reunion of New Day.
Shane-O: 1
Roman: 0Shane-O: 3
Miz: 0#SDLive pic.twitter.com/egoMkVyEu3— Shane McMahon (@shanemcmahon) June 12, 2019
Beyond that though, things went downhill fast. Most egregiously, what is WWE doing with its women? Does Stephanie know this is what we’re doing with the division she invented, founded and carried to relevance? I initially thought that nothing could get worse that Ember Moon being bullied by Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville backstage. But at least that was done face-to-face! Alexa Bliss managed to reach new lows in founding an entire feud based off of an errant Twitter ‘like’. Jesus!
Nothing embodied WWE’s attitude to the blue brand more than the revelation that they were loading up production equipment halfway through the broadcast in order to transport it for next week’s Raw broadcast. There were certainly times during the show when I felt like packing up and moving across the country.
This week’s SmackDown Live scores another SmackDowner. Get it together, SmackDown!
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