Raw ratings have been a bit of a talking point in recent weeks. Mostly as in the distinct lack thereof. In the weeks since WrestleMania, the Monday night brand has dropped from an audience of 2.5 million to 2.37 million to 2.15 million. This revealed a disturbing trend, highlighting the troubling tailspin the red brand has found itself in of late.
Compounding these numbers is the fact that WWE’s other main brand hasn’t exactly been knocking it out of the park either. With the flagship program in trouble, SmackDown drew a poultry 2.07 million pairs of eyeballs last week (down from an already poor 2.22 million the week prior).
To put that in context: in 2010, TNA attempted to revive the long-slumbering Monday Night Wars, as it shifted its programming to go head-to-head with Raw. On its first night of direct competition, TNA recorded a viewership of 1.4 million, against Raw’s 5.1 million.
Ten years ago those numbers made TNA a laughing stock. In 2019, that may soon become a regular night for SmackDown Live.
So it was against this backdrop that Raw kicked off last night. With the desperate need to do something – anything – to bring wrestling fans back to their TV screens. This recurring theme was something first alluded to by Vince McMahon, as he addressed the crowd to open the show:
“This Raw will be something special. One for the ages. One that you will never forget.“
So what would Raw do to live up to that lofty pledge? Bring back a legend? Call up more NXT acts? Maybe rely on sustained, rational, long-term booking methods to build champions, challengers and titles?
Don’t be ridiculous, they just brought back Roman Reigns.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJMWcKB0JL/
And then, despite having advertised ‘the Big Dog’s appearance for most of the last week, his presence prompted a dumbfounded Vince to exclaim: “You’ve been assigned to SmackDown! Who the hell do you think you are?”
What do you mean? You presumably brought him in, Vince!
This was a worrying start, characterised by incomprehensible indignation from Vince and the absence of any storyline reason for this continued brand hopping. But surely, I pleaded, it could only get better from there. Surely it couldn’t get any worse. Right?
On with the review.
The Best of Raw
Samoa Joe is a Scary Man
Samoa Joe must be a terrifying presence backstage. Imagine hanging around catering, searching for the perfect Crêpes Suzette – or maybe a delicious Pain Au Chocolat, depending on your mood – only for the gigantic Samoan to show up behind you. How does a man his size move so quietly? He’s like a rhinoceros wearing comfy slippers.
Uhhhhhh, Dominick…#RAW @SamoaJoe pic.twitter.com/RJxZSnmyfo
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019
Anyway, that’s the fate that befell poor, young Dominic Mysterio, who seemed to just be minding his own business when Joe decided to threaten both him and his father.
Joe’s intensity is a thing of wonder, never failing to excite and terrify. He feels like he genuinely thrives off terrorising others and I just hope that he starts to be treated like an actual threat.
The Sassy Southern Belle
Contrary to popular opinion, I actually really like Lacey Evans. She’s fresh, unique and appears to be growing into her role as a challenger to Becky Lynch’s title. Titles? Who knows.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJIdpdBj9M/
This week she cordially invited the four Raw women in the MITB ladder match down to the ring – using lavender scented invitations no less. She then had them look on while she clobbered an anonymous jobber (who sold the Woman’s Right better than Lynch has managed to so far), before proceeding to caution the four women at ringside against cashing in their Money in the Bank briefcase against her after she dispenses of Lynch in two weeks.
Then the ‘Champ Champ’ strolled down to the ring to continue several weeks of brawls between her and Evans. While nothing special, this was a neat segment that adequately served to progress the Lynch / Evans / Money in the Bank dynamic.
The Planet’s Champion
Bryan cut an excellent promo backstage pledging that Kofi is simply a transient champion, ravaged by the sins of excess and a culture of disposability. He spat his words out with noticeable defiance, resentment and conviction.
If you weren’t in the mood to see Bryan take on Kofi later in the night, this promo certainly would have gotten you in the mood. Unquestionably the best performer on WWE’s books currently, he truly is the Planet’s Champion.
The Grisly End of Rambling Rabbit
Bray Wyatt’s latest instalment of Firefly Fun House was perhaps its darkest yet. The insert started with Mercy the Bird Raptor Buzzard munching on something in its cardboard box home. After some gentle prodding, Bray was able to pull out the remains of his pal, Rambling Rabbit. This was a grim scene. I’m talking ‘stuffed toy head no longer attached to fluffy body’ levels of grim.
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Yet, instead of despair, Wyatt comforted Mercy by confirming that it’s okay to express oneself in any way one thinks is appropriate. By painting a painting. Flying a kite. Or ripping Rambling Rabbit to shreds. All the while, the soundtrack of children laughing was played over the scene.
This was another excellent – if even more overtly ominous – instalment of Wyatt’s creation. So far, the pacing of these segments have been excellent, as we gradually get ever closer to Wyatt’s dark core.
Big Dog vs Scottish Psychopath
In a replay of their WrestleMania encounter, a returning Roman Reigns had a pretty good match against Drew McIntyre. This far exceeded the pair’s match at ‘the Showcase of the Immortals’.
Eschewing chinlocks and rest holds in favour of power moves and near falls, Reigns and McIntyre ably showed what they can do. Just as Roman hit the spear for what looked to be the win, Shane McMahon and Elias pounced to cause the disqualification. Apparently this is what the “Wild Card Rule” is all about (more on that below).
WAIT A MINUTE. What are @shanemcmahon and @IAmEliasWWE doing out here?! #RAW pic.twitter.com/INRLhdWIoh
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019
Shane and Elias beat up Roman for a bit before Miz came out to save him, armed with a steel chair. This caused Shane to flee, followed by The Miz. The ‘Best in the World’ managed to elude his chaser in a passage backstage, but could not outfox Charley Caruso and her intrepid team of camera men and boom operators. This battalion of investigative journalists attracted the attention of Miz, who caught Shane off-guard, clobbering him from behind with the chair. Despite the silliness, I enjoyed both the match and the ensuing angle.
WWE Championship Match
There was no logical reason for us to get this match on Raw, but I’m glad we did. Kofi drew on every ounce of athleticism, flying from pillar to post and back again, while Bryan relied on his guile and ring awareness to try and reclaim the WWE Title.
Kingston managed on several occasions to escape the LeBell Lock, before eventually hitting Trouble In Paradise to pick up the win.
DOES @WWEDanielBryan HAVE THIS WON?! #RAW #WWEChampionship pic.twitter.com/WcTDR1HvRg
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019
It was great to see Daniel Bryan back in the ring following his mysterious injury layoff, and it was a relief that WWE weren’t tempted to end this with a messy finish, as they did the last time Kofi competed on Raw. Instead we were treated to a tremendous contest that served to cement Kingston’s spot atop the division.
The Worst of Raw
Monday Night SmackDown
As mentioned in the introduction, Raw’s ratings have been rather disappointing of late, prompting Vince McMahon to call in the big guns. Or the Big Dogs, as it turned out.
First Roman came out to continue his strange feud with a 73-year-old pensioner and his middle-aged son. Then Daniel Bryan decided to return in order to demand his rematch with the man who bested him at WrestleMania. And finally, the man in question, Kofi Kingston, appeared to confront Bryan.
As great as all three of these men are, were they really expected to boost viewership? Aside from overlooking the obvious flaw in that logic – namely that these same men have been headlining a sharply declining SmackDown for the last month – what was the plan here? While Roman’s appearance had been advertised, neither Kofi’s nor Bryan’s were. So why would anyone be convinced to tune in to see wrestlers they didn’t know would be appearing on the show?
More to the point, why were any of these men on Raw? What business did they have to resolve on Monday night that couldn’t have waited for SmackDown?
Who knows. The segment ended with Vince booking Roman to face Drew McIntyre (again) and Kofi to defend his WWE Championship against Daniel Bryan. The WWE Chairman then called himself a genius and walked away.
This was just like the morning after one of my birthday parties. I woke up to find a lot of half-empty bottles of soft drink lying around the house, which I decided to mix together into a delicious cocktail. I thought I was a genius then too. Except I was nine at the time.
The “Wild Card Rule”
Vince attempted to make sense of this cross-promotional nonsense by announcing that on certain occasions, three members of the SmackDown roster would be appearing on Raw, while on others, three members of the Raw roster would be appearing on SmackDown.
WILD CARD RULE?! @VinceMcMahon just had an epiphany…
What if he allowed 3 Superstars from #SDLive to head to #RAW and vice versa on a regular basis? pic.twitter.com/Ws2NBTzpM4
— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2019
This is perhaps the kind of unexpected premise that I would have appreciated in my adolescent years. But now it just reeks of a desperate attempt to create some buzz, at the expense of coherent storytelling.
I can handle the mockery this makes of the brand split, which was apparently motivated by broadcaster demands. But it’s hard to see how any meaningful story beats can develop across the one random week when three wrestlers aimlessly float between brands.
Rebuild. Reclaim. Recycle.
One of the first things that Roman Reigns grumbled upon his return to the red brand was that his only masters were the WWE fans.
“If they keep making all this noise, I’m gonna show up every single Monday.“
We’ve been down this road before, with Reigns being overexposed while the entire company is hoisted on his shoulders. It doesn’t end well.
Champ & Challenger Take On The Midcard of Evil
Seth Rollins and AJ Styles teamed up to take on the main event pairing of Baron Corbin and Bobby Lashley this week. It was a relatively slow match, built around chin locks and rest holds.
Eventually though, Styles and Rollins appeared to get the upper hand, only for the number one contender to accidentally (or perhaps not?) hit the Universal Champion with a Phenomenal Forearm.
NOT PHENOMENAL, @AJStylesOrg!@WWERollins is in serious trouble now… #RAW pic.twitter.com/Z1ZaUOP7zX
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019
Overcome with apathy – or perhaps sheer embarrassment – Styles then abandoned his partner to The Axis of Inconsequence. One End of Days later and Baron Corbin had pinned Raw’s top champion. Baron gets another accolade for the ring announcer to recite during his entrance and we slowly stumble our way towards Money in the Bank.
Sami Zayn is Trash… Apparently
Zayn returned to the ring to continue his derisive diatribe aimed at the fans. I’ve been rather critical of the substance of these promos of late, but there’s no denying that the Canadian is one of the most compelling talkers in the company.
One of the questions people have been asking since Zayn returned from injury has been who the former NXT standout would face in his first feud.
This week, that question may have been answered, as Zayn’s monologue was interrupted by Braun Strowman, who chased ‘the Underdog from the Underground’ all around the arena before finally catching up with him in the loading area. Here, the ‘Monster Among Men’ tossed Zayn into a dumpster, before a very well-placed garbage truck suddenly sprang to life – almost as if it had received some sort of cue. It then lifted the waste bin, turfing its contents into the back, to be taken to the dump.
Just in case we ever thought that perhaps Zayn was being built into a star, that misapprehension was quickly corrected in one short, awful segment.
Money in the Bank Qualifiers
One week after Ricochet was announced as a competitor for the Money in the Bank ladder match, he was asked to put his place on the line in a match against Robert Roode. The reason for this was presumably the obvious criticism WWE drew as a result of having Ricochet in the match, while excluding the man who had beaten him on Raw the previous week.
This dilemma could easily have been avoided by having actual qualifiers last week to determine the competitors in the pay-per-view match. But instead WWE decided to simply announce them without any clear criteria in place.
So this match was a deeply cynical ploy, born from incompetent booking, for the sole reason of papering over a plot hole of WWE’s own creation.
Of course, Ricochet defeated Roode in quick order to retain the status quo. The timeline was restored and all it cost was Robert Roode’s momentum.
Lucha House Party
Did you know that Lucha House Party love to have fun?
Well this week, fun meant beating a nameless jobber in a pointless three-on-one handicap match. Just a reminder here – Lucha House Party are babyfaces.
Lord help me.
The LUCHA! LUCHA! LUCHA! party rages on as @WWEGranMetalik @KalistoWWE & @LuchadorLD pick up the win! #RAW pic.twitter.com/3gJi1Se9gh
— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2019
The Raid Continues
The Viking Raiders defeated Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins in under a minute, in a match that wasn’t for the tag belts and seemingly meant nothing. Another example of excellent storytelling.
“Ucey Hot”
First we were reminded that The Revival occasionally shave each other’s backs, in a video recap of last weeks’ antics. This was followed by the revelation that the Usos had contaminated The Revival’s trunks with something called “Ucey Hot”, which caused such unbearable discomfort that both Dash and Dawson were crawling around the ring, rubbing their privates on the canvass.
They may be TOP Guys, but @ScottDawsonWWE & @DashWilderWWE are very worried about their BOTTOMS right about now… #RAW #UceyHot pic.twitter.com/SgNx5jMuwL
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019
So I guess you haven’t signed that contract extension then yet, hey lads?
Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: RawSome, Cor, AvRAWge, Poor and RawFul)
Vince McMahon referred to himself as “a genius” on multiple occasions last night. It was a strange choice of words for someone who seemed to have steered the ship into the rocks weeks ago, proceeded to set all of the lifeboats on fire and is now running through the passages smashing ornaments with a wrench.
The night started with Vince McMahon issuing a decree that the “Wild Card Rule” was in effect, allowing for three members from either roster to appear on the opposing brand on occasion. We then immediately saw no less than six SmackDown Live wrestlers jump across to Raw, with Vince desperately screaming into the ether that Shane McMahon and Elias “don’t count” against the quota for some reason.
.@AJStylesOrg has one question for @VinceMcMahon…
"WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?" #RAW pic.twitter.com/3a2FKaz29V
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 7, 2019
This frustrating, incoherent mess was ostensibly a response to ailing ratings. But in typical McMahon fashion, instead of relying on patient, logical storytelling to generate fan interest, Raw decided to pull a slew of “shocking” twists. Once again, surprise was valued above quality. And the unforeseen was mistaken for compelling narrative. In Vince’s world, chaos is a ladder, and he’s shot straight to the top.
The casualties in this debacle were, as usual, the wrestlers. Countless of whom are decidedly less over today than they were a week ago. Robert Roode, The Usos, The Revival, Sami Zayn, Roman Reigns and Lucha House Party all suffered as the long-term vision fell by the wayside. While this may not have been the worst episode of Raw ever, it certainly was one of the most infuriating to watch.
On a night when WWE tried to pull out all the stops to encourage viewers to return to the product, they decided to serve up a steaming bowl of nonsensical, desperate, over-booked nonsense.
This week’s Raw is RawFul. If not worse.
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