So that’s it then.
After months of delicate storytelling, building courageous heroes and despicable villains, feelings of hope, ruin and resurgence, we’re delivered a winner we didn’t even know was in the fight to begin with. But enough about Game of Thrones, let’s talk Money in the Bank.
The first thought I had during Sunday’s pay-per-view was this: WWE just can’t help themselves, can they? All the pieces were in in place; all that needed to be done was to nail the landing. Every option was open to them too. They could’ve had a young babyface like Ali claim the briefcase, solidifying him as a rising star. Or make it Drew McIntyre, the company’s unsung heel, taking his first step on a path of destruction leading to the Universal Title.
Instead WWE couldn’t help but overindulge on the drama, eschewing all the appetising options available to it in favor of the ridiculous swerve. Like that one guy who goes to a sandwich shop and decides to go off-the-menu by ordering the sushi. Surprises aren’t always good.
Awesome to see @BrockLesnar win the #MoneyInTheBank match…even though he wasn’t officially entered! Brock is the future of the biz and this perfect example of genius booking shows why @WWE will remain on top FOREVER! #GoBrockGo
— Chris Jericho (@IAmJericho) May 20, 2019
But that moment of poor judgement wasn’t even the only example of WWE’s proclivity to live by phrase “more is always more”. There were countless instances where a little restraint could’ve gone a long way. Roman Reigns vs Elias was a match that no one needed. Likewise Lars Sullivan’s appearance to toss around the Lucha House Party for a bit was an angle ripped directly from weekly TV and didn’t need to happen on pay-per-view.
I’m not even going to get into the countless baffling referee gaffs, or that Shane McMahon / Miz match. But I mean, come on. To those who continue to bellow from the rooftops that Miz deserves to be in the WWE main event frame, that awful frog splash will be Exhibit A in the case against him. He’s exactly where he needs to be – at the top of the mid-card, feuding with the boss’ son.
— 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖊𝖌𝖎𝖗𝖑 🎮 (@ImKingKota) May 20, 2019
And so, just like that, Sunday left me feeling a bit hollow. Like I had been robbed of the satisfying conclusion I’d waited months to see. I had been promised a giant ice cream cake, and instead received a soggy pretzel. That doesn’t mean that the future can’t hold better fortunes. Perhaps greatness can yet be salvaged from this puddle of mediocrity. But for now at least, our watch has ended.
Oh, and Raw happened last night too. On with the review.
The Best of Raw
The ‘Freak’ and the Luchadors
There’s something very emotionally satisfying in seeing a massive bald man beat up three much smaller, flippy cruiserweights. And that’s what we got from Lars Sullivan and the Lucha House Party last night.
Following the events of Money in the Bank, the trio were out to exact revenge on Sullivan. Unfortunately, in doing so, they forgot to take account of Vince McMahon’s Third Rule of Motion: for every action, there is a much larger man who will beat the tar out of you.
This doesn’t hurt Lucha House Party in the slightest (who are at the bottom of the card and have been for some time), but continues to grow the aura of Lars Sullivan as an unbeatable monster. It would be nice if Lars could start working his way into the mid-card title scene at some point, as even tossing around a group of little men has a definite lifespan.
The “New” Cesaro
The ‘Swiss Superman’ has new tights, a new titantron, new entrance theme, and the same old match quality.
Cesaro took on Ricochet in an excellent encounter, which he won after hitting The Neutraliser. This is the second consecutive week in which Cesaro has put on the match of the night, following his bout against Rey Mysterio last Monday. The effort going into his repackage would indicate that he might – might – be getting that long-awaited singles push, and I’m quite excited to see it.
The Firefly Nightmare House
This remains perhaps the most interesting part of Raw, but certainly the most tonally unique. While we didn’t get a skit this week, indications are that Bray Wyatt has now fully shed his lighthearted, family-friendly persona in favour of the scary, mask-wearing psychopath. The ‘Eater of Worlds’ appeared only in this latter guise, in a clip featuring mournful, miserable looking children asking you to “Let Him In“.
Making Monday Nights “Raw” Again
Mick Foley returned to Monday nights to unveil a new championship. Because that’s exactly what WWE needs.
But even my cynical soul had to admit that I’m intrigued by the prospect of The 24/7 Championship. One of my favourite memories of the Attitude Era was the old Hardcore Title. The fact that it could change hands at any time separated it from the rest of WWE’s belts. The reigning Champion needed to be ever vigilant, as challengers lurked around every corner. It was fun, unpredictable and afforded the company’s lower-carders some valuable TV time.
While the 24/7 Title lacks the violence that came with the Hardcore belt, it retains the most critical aspect. As long as a referee is present, a challenger can claim it anywhere at any time. Moreover, anyone is eligible to be the 24/7 Champion. This includes members of the SmackDown, NXT, NXT UK and 205 Live rosters.
Introducing the #247Title! Falls LITERALLY count anywhere! #Raw pic.twitter.com/VfzwdvWXvn
— WWE (@WWE) May 21, 2019
To crown a first champ, Foley laid the belt in the middle of the ring and announced that whomever claimed it first would be the holder.
The Brotherhood of the Travelling Title
This set off a mad dash of the Coalition of the Still Employed, comprising Cedric Alexander, No Way Jose, Eric Young, The Good Brothers, Titus O’Neill and Mojo Rawley. Surprisingly, Titus came away with the belt and celebrated as if he had just won the WrestleMania main event. He was however quickly pinned by Robert Roode, who ran to safety before anyone else could sneak up on him.
Eventually Roode found a willing ally in R-Truth, who initially helped him only to predictably turn on Roode to claim the belt by pin fall. Truth then skedaddled out of the arena.
It was fun while it lasted, @RealRobertRoode.
Say WHAT'S UP to your new #247Champion, @RonKillings!! #RAW pic.twitter.com/la0VEZM0xu
— WWE (@WWE) May 21, 2019
As much as I enjoyed this cartoonish buffoonery, I give it three weeks until this belt is forgotten about entirely. It just requires too much time and creative investment for a belt sure to be almost exclusively carried by people propping up the bottom of the mid-card. It promises to be a fun three weeks though!
Shane-y Two Feuds
The Miz confronted Shane and his new best pal, Drew McIntyre, backstage. Words were exchanged and a match between Miz and McIntyre was set up.
This was largely fine. Shane eventually got involved, creating enough of a distraction for Drew to kick Miz’s head off. Shane then set up for the Coast-to-Coast, only for Roman Reigns to run down for the save. While not era-defining, I had no real complaints about the match, nor the post-fight angle.
.@DMcIntyreWWE comes out with the victory. #Raw pic.twitter.com/tkK2ULH6sU
— WWE (@WWE) May 21, 2019
The Worst of Raw
Mr Beast in the Bank
How could it not be? Seeing Brock make another high-paying appearance on Raw to set up his next championship contest was wholly uninspiring. Brock is always in the title picture, simply by being present. He’s proven countless times that he doesn’t need a Money in the Bank briefcase to get a shot at the belt. So not only does that make him holding the contract absolutely worthless, but it also robs us of seeing someone lower down the pecking order be given an opportunity of elevating himself to the top of the card on the back of it.
Moreover, Heyman’s promo didn’t exactly help matters. He confirmed what we already knew about Brock being able to cash in the contract for a shot at the title, insulted Seth Rollins’ “girlfriend” and teased the possibility of Lesnar cashing in on Kofi Kingston. Yeah. As if Brock would ever waste his time with the second-tier WWE Title.
How does that sound, @BrockLesnar? #Raw pic.twitter.com/UfFy7p5uy5
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 21, 2019
The most intriguing aspect of this overly long opening segment was perhaps Heyman’s denial of responsibility for the attack on Sami Zayn, which had opened up a spot in the MITB match for his client. So I guess we still have the resolution of that mystery to look forward to. My money’s on Rikishi being the culprit. He probably did it for the Rock.
Braun Squashes Sami Zayn
Sami should’ve just stayed in the dumpster. In a few short weeks, Zayn has gone from exciting return, to Vince McMahon’s mouthpiece, to Braun’s plaything, to a plot device in Brock Lesnar’s story, to goofy jobber.
It’s a remarkable fall from grace for a truly excellent performer. If WWE wasn’t so averse to building non-monster stars, perhaps they would appreciate that Sami belongs higher on the card.
Mr Wild Card
The biggest danger of the Wild Card Rule was that it would lead to WWE’s biggest stars being overexposed. And predictably the person most at risk is Roman Reigns. The ‘Big Dog’ has rapidly been designated the King of the Wild Card, appearing weekly on both Raw and SmackDown.
With little in the way of compelling story to justify this ever-presence (sorry Elias and Shane), fan sentiment could quickly turn on the multi-time former champ. I hope it doesn’t happen… but we’ve seen it before.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxtKhTchFyt/
Speaking of, this week saw the continuation of Roman’s feud with Shane McMahon, with the two exchanging gentle insults. Reigns called Shane a “spoilt rich kid” and Shane teased a fight. Instead though, McMahon used his ‘Powers of the Mid-Card’ to summon backup in the form of Drew McIntyre. So I guess Drew’s still caught in that vortex.
Shane then announced that he would be facing Roman, with that match happening in Saudi Arabia at Super ShowDown.
Just Everything Baron Corbin
I’m so tired of big, baldy, boring Corbin. Raw saw the vest-wearing knob get slapped by AJ Styles, vow revenge and then secure his spot in the night’s main event. AGAIN!
I don’t even have anything to say about this, I just don’t want to see Corbin main event every week. Just a few months ago he was being blamed for all of the company’s problems. Now he’s headlining the show most nights. Go figure.
The Women’s Division Casserole
There’s a tried and tested method of building stars. And it certainly isn’t by just dumping every warm body into a mish-mash, overbooked talk show segment. But try telling that to Raw, as the only women’s segment of the night saw Alexa Bliss and her new apprentice Nikki Cross host A Moment of Bliss. Has anything good ever happened on this show? It’s like Jerry Springer but with fewer DNA tests.
Regardless, they were joined this week by their guest Becky Lynch who, before even getting a word out, was interrupted by The IIconics. The Aussie duo mocked the newly christened “Becky One Belt” for a while. Becky took a couple of verbal shots at the tag champs, but was cut off by Lacey Evans, who in turn had something to say about men’s manners or something. I had honestly, much like Alexa and Nikki, lost all interest by this point.
It's getting crowded on A #MomentOfBliss! #Raw @BeckyLynchWWE @PeytonRoyceWWE @BillieKayWWE @LaceyEvansWWE pic.twitter.com/w826NBGioI
— WWE (@WWE) May 21, 2019
Anyway, everyone was conveniently in their wrestling gear, so this somehow led to a six-woman tag match pitting Alexa, Cross and Lynch against The IIconics and Lacey Evans. Becky’s team won with Alexa conspicuously standing at ringside, drinking coffee and avoiding all contact. Michael Cole’s over-exuberant call of “nothing gets better than this” only served to make me hate this segment even more.
Farewell, Mean Charly
I enjoyed Mean Charly. Sure she routinely emasculated some of Raw’s top stars. But she did it in that token robotic, unflinching way that always amused me.
This week though she transformed into Recap Charly, pointlessly summarising things that had just played out onscreen before introducing her guest with a tortured segue. It was awkward, unnecessary and – most importantly – robbed us of one of Raw’s more unintentionally great characters. Bring back Mean Charly!
The Champions Slip Into The Mid-Card Vortex
It had been announced ahead of time that the night’s main event would feature Kingston and Rollins taking on Lashley and Corbin. I was struggling to get myself excited for the inevitably lumbering bout, but then it was announced that the match would be no DQ.
This somehow made the match even worse, as Lashley and Corbin got the early jump on the two Champions and proceeded to very slowly wear them down. The match was a slow, plodding affair for ten minutes, until Kofi and Rollins turned the tide and won.
Then Lesnar came out, walked around the ring to tease a cash in, and did nothing. Heyman boasted that his ‘Beast’ was in the heads of both Kofi and Seth, before saying that Brock will make his opponent known next week. So that means we have to wait another seven days to find out that it’ll be Seth.
Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: RawSome, Cor, AvRAWge, Poor and RawFul)
As surprising as this is to say about a three-hour program, nothing excited me about this week’s Raw.
That isn’t to say that it was bad – it certainly had its moments. Lars Sullivan and Cesaro made progress in establishing themselves on the red brand, the Firefly Funhouse was its typical best and Mick Foley introduced an exciting (if unnecessary and probably short-lived) new belt.
But none of this moved me to tune in again next week, especially coming off the back of an underwhelming Money in the Bank pay-per-view. Shane, Miz, Roman and McIntyre continued their never-ending feud to nowhere, Becky Lynch is no closer to reclaiming her status as ‘The Man’, and Brock is simply the worst possible challenger at this point. I mean, it’s 2019.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxtaSQ9glgU/
All of these shortcomings could possibly have been wiped away with a cracking main event. But sadly, even that proved elusive as Raw ended with 15 minutes of Bobby Lashley and Baron Corbin slowly working over Kofi and Seth.
As I turned off my TV, I struggled to recall any standout moments from the show, either good or bad. Raw was just Raw again this week. In short, it was an uninspired AvRAWge.
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