After a weekend of Avengers: Endgame and Game of Thrones madness, I headed into Raw feeling somewhat emotionally fragile. At this stage of my life, there is only so much drama, happiness, loss, laughter and sacrifice that my heart can handle. So the danger was that with the build to Money in the Bank now firmly underway, perhaps the excitement of the red brand would overwhelm me.
Fortunately Alexa Bliss made sure that didn’t happen.
Last week saw the main title picture taking shape through a mixture of single-elimination tournaments and shocking heel turns. This week featured the competitors in the Money in the Bank ladder match being decided. But would they secure their places by winning elimination matches? Would we see Battle Royals? People lobbying their bosses? A lottery? Brawls?
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Well… no, their names would just be read off a pre-determined list by ‘The Goddess’. You can tell how much I enjoyed that angle.
I understand that this reveal had all been set up last week, but I clearly hadn’t physically readied my body for just how disappointing it would be. Any hint of mystery was wiped away in a quick segment, which failed to build any tension whatsoever. But could Raw salvage an underwhelming opening segment with great angles and matches? Let’s get to the review to find out.
The Best of Raw
The Raid is On
After a lacklustre start to Raw, the Viking Raiders got to dismantle all three members of Lucha House Party. It was an out-and-out squash match barely lasting three minutes, but it was an effective showcase of the Viking Raiders’ abilities. Erik and Ivar were given a fair opportunity to show off their incredible strength, agility and quickness. And they did just that.
While the Viking Raiders are yet to face legitimate competition on Raw, it’s nevertheless promising to see them dominate lesser teams. In a world of AoP and SAnitY disappointments, I’ll gladly take easy wins for an NXT call-up at this stage.
They already won. But they aren't quite done. #Raw @Erik_WWE @Ivar_WWE pic.twitter.com/KVwL4NwMVq
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 30, 2019
Yowie Wowie!
Bray Wyatt has fast become the best part of Raw. The former WWE Champion returned to the Firefly Fun House this week, complete with pastel colour scheme, Mr Rogers’ sweater and a new friend. Audiences were introduced to Rambling Rabbit this week, who joins Mercy the Buzzard and Abby the Witch.
Last night saw Wyatt highlighting the joy of painting, which allows him to express his repressed feelings. Bray’s repressed feelings? Apparently memories of his family compound being raised to the ground, burying the spirit of Sister Abigail. That’s not creepy at all.
Wyatt’s subtle change of facial expressions whenever the tone takes an ominous turn, the contrast between light-hearted children’s show sound effects and the tracks resonating with each dark turn, and the ever present unsettling atmosphere – all of it is pure brilliance.
Also, this week’s word of the day was ‘sociopath’. That’s S-O-C-I-O-P-A-T-H, kids. Every aspect of this act is genius.
Mean Charley
There’s a troubling culture of bullying developing backstage. But it’s not because of JBL or the Clique. No, the main catalyst of this toxic environment is one Charley ‘The Silent Assassin’ Caruso.
This week saw her start an interview with Rey Mysterio by inventing the claim that “some people are saying that this is the most challenging period of your career, with repeated losses since WrestleMania.” She might as well have pointed out that Rey was old, washed up and noticeably shorter than his son.
Charley then later casually pointed out to Becky Lynch that she would, in all likelihood, be leaving Money in the Bank with no championships.
I have no idea why Charley has developed this straight-faced, casual heel persona backstage, nor why I enjoy it so much. But she has, and I do.
‘Becky Two Belts’ and ‘Lacey One Punch’
Becky Lynch stormed to the ring to address both of her opponents at the upcoming pay-per-view. While the promo consisted of the all too familiar refrain around Lacey being a “plank” currying favours backstage and Charlotte being an entitled company darling holding the division hostage, Becky’s fiery, confident delivery was head and shoulders above anything else we saw last night.
You thought a security team could stop @BeckyLynchWWE? #Raw pic.twitter.com/RgWwgt9nKK
— WWE (@WWE) April 30, 2019
The war of words escalated once Lacey Evans came out to face the ‘Champ Champ’ and a “chaotic scene” quickly ensued. Despite Michael Cole’s overselling, it was just a mini brawl in reality. But Lacey looked amazing and held her own in the short promo she was asked to deliver. I’m an unashamed fan of Evans’ southern, sing-song promo style and she unquestionably looks physically impressive. I remain optimistic about this match at Money in the Bank.
A Big Win for Rey Mysterio
Rey Mysterio and Samoa Joe had a predictably good TV encounter. The story coming into the match for some reason was that Rey was on a terrible streak of losses, which was supposedly bringing untold shame and embarrassment upon his family. …Uh, okay?
Whereas the context was slightly confounding, the match certainly wasn’t. Samoa Joe was in control for most of the contest, with Rey attempting to use his speed and guile to stay alive. Eventually the diminutive Mysterio was able to roll up his much larger opponent to secure the win and restore honour to his family. Because apparently a decades long career of excellence can all be wiped away by a bad month in WWE.
Things are getting chippy! @reymysterio @SamoaJoe #Raw pic.twitter.com/Ob2rTH52G3
— WWE (@WWE) April 30, 2019
There was a slight botch to end the bout, with Rey struggling to get Joe’s massive shoulders on the mat, causing an awkward delay before the official started to count the pin. But that shouldn’t be held against the match, which was in the main really good.
The Next AJ Styles?
The final segment of the evening saw the contract signing between AJ Styles and Seth Rollins ahead of their Universal Title match at MITB. This exchange was decent but based on way too many catchphrases and questionable one-liners.
Among them was Seth reiterating his affinity for burning things down, while Styles reminded us that he prefers to build things up. Then Styles threw out the wild claim that people have been saying for years that Rollins was “the new AJ Styles”. Really? When? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that comparison.
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AJ went on to speak about his accomplishments over two years on SmackDown, only for Seth to point out that Raw’s ropes are red and that Michael Cole was on commentary, not Tom Phillips. Which made me wonder whether anyone had ever actually seen Michael Cole and Tom Phillips in the same room together. …Coincidence?
Eventually though, we got to the action. A quick exchange between the two competitors ended with AJ Styles hitting the Universal Champion with a Phenomenal Forearm, driving him through a conveniently-placed table. Overall, a decent segment with more good than bad. I’m still up for their match in three weeks time.
The Worst of Raw
A Whole Lot of Announcements
Even by the low standards that the show has set for itself in recent weeks, the opening to Raw felt like a missed opportunity. One of the major cliffhangers coming out of last week was the hotly anticipated announcement of who the competitors representing the red brand in the Money in the Bank ladder match would be.
I use the words “hotly anticipated” quite incorrectly there because last week we were told that Alexa Bliss would simply be announcing the names of the four lucky Raw stars. Aside from subverting any possible intrigue by having the names blandly read off a list, the question remains: “Why on Earth is Alexa Bliss still the voice of management?” I could sort of forgive this when she was the host of WrestleMania 35, but has she not returned to just being a regular wrestler now? How does any of this work? And why is Baron Corbin still dressing like a frustrated casino worker?! None of this makes any sense.
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It’s hard to explain why WWE could ever expect this to be an exciting story beat. Anyone who’s ever been to school knows that announcements are innately boring. And Raw built two entire segments around them last night.
Either way, after announcing that Raw’s contingent would comprise Braun Strowman, Ricochet, Baron Corbin and Drew McIntyre, each man came down to the ring to talk over each other and claim that they were going to win the ladder match in three weeks. This eventually led to a tag match pitting Ricochet and Strowman against Corbin and McIntyre. Braun and Ric won. This entire opening segment was awful.
Day One is No Longer H
The Usos appear to have a new gimmick, in which they run to the ring with microphones yelling “Down since Day One Ish” repeatedly. The music then stops for a few seconds while they climb into the ring, before starting up again to allow them to hop around some more and continue singing. This was like a less cool version of R-Truth’s entrance. (I know, I can’t believe I said that either.)
They then faced – and beat – the still actively employed Anderson and Gallows in a pretty slow match, which the crowd largely ignored. This was followed up by the victors playing a video they took in the changing rooms of Dash Wilder shaving Scott Dawson’s back. Because that’s the most egregious thing that’s ever happened in a WWE locker room.
The @WWEUsos made quite the discovery today. 😳 #Raw @ScottDawsonWWE @DashWilderWWE pic.twitter.com/mb5wWOaUEn
— WWE (@WWE) April 30, 2019
Why couldn’t they just have lost their first names like everyone else undergoing a gimmick change?
The Evolution of Bobby Lashley
Bobby Lashley was invited to be a guest on this week’s MizTV, in which Bobby Lashley spent a lot of time speaking about Bobby Lashley in the third person. He also questioned The Miz’s credentials and called MizDad a “fake potato face”. This led to a brawl between the two men, which was converted to a singles match post commercial break.
Quick as a whippet though, Shane McMahon skipped out onto the ramp, calling for a photo of the aforementioned MizDad to be put on the Titantron. What a scoundrel! The sight of his emotionless father was enough of a distraction for Lashley to spear Miz for the pin. Shane took advantage of the situation to knock around Miz for a bit before choking him out.
Wow. @mikethemiz @shanemcmahon #Raw pic.twitter.com/NK8FTrolwD
— WWE (@WWE) April 30, 2019
I haven’t heard Bobby Lashley’s name this often in months. Unfortunately the only person saying it was Bobby Lashley himself. Clearly his revised character is ‘guy who refers to himself in the third person a lot’. As physically impressive as Lashley is, the second coming of the Rock this was not.
Also, the feud between Shane O’Mac and The Miz shall continue, as it was later announced that they would be competing in a cage match at Money in the Bank. I’m largely fine with that.
The Announcement of the Women
Alexa Bliss came out to introduce the Raw women who would be competing at Money in the Bank. They were Natalya, Dana Brooke, Naomi and – swerve – Alexa Bliss herself.
They bickered amongst themselves for a while before Naomi challenged Bliss to a match, which Bliss begrudgingly accepted. The selling point of this contest was that Alexa wasn’t wearing the proper shoes and her laces kept coming undone (a point raised on commentary to an annoying degree). Ultimately the odds were just too much for Bliss to overcome and Naomi won following an impressive split-legged moonsault.
Safety first, @AlexaBliss_WWE! #Raw pic.twitter.com/v5m2hMVO1B
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) April 30, 2019
Rewinding for a second: I did laugh when, after a noticeably unenthusiastic introduction, Natalya’s first words were “Wow Alexa, thank you for that lovely introduction.” I have no idea whether that was intentional or not, but it made Natalya look like an absolute dork.
That’s all this segment deserves.
The Chosen Few
Admittedly, this criticism comes down to a matter of personal preference. But I struggle to see the rationale behind having Natalya and Dana Brooke comprise two of the Raw side’s four announced competitors in the MITB match. Neither is known for the fast-paced, electric offence that you’d expect to see in a ladder match, nor are they even close to being over with the fans. A quick look at the red brand’s women’s roster makes me think that Ruby Riott or Sarah Logan would have made far better candidates. Sarah Logan actually received quite a pop when it appeared that she’d won the WrestleMania Battle Royal earlier this month. It would’ve been nice to see WWE to try capitalise on that.
Also, it’s worth pointing out that Sasha Banks was nowhere to be seen this week, lending credence to reports that she’s currently looked in a stalemate with WWE management.
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Sami’s Gone In-Zayn
I’m quickly tiring of Sami’s routine of berating the crowd week after week. The pattern has been the same for the fourth consecutive week now. The WWE audience is entitled, patronising and drunk with power.
As excellent as Zayn is in these promos, his words just ring somewhat hollow. Despite having a point about the fans being unfairly critical of some wrestlers and the product as a whole, his complaints would make a lot more sense if the fans did indeed dictate the direction of the company.
But weeks of seeing Baron Corbin in the main event and years of an absent Brock Lesnar sitting atop the division have made it clear that fan sentiment means absolutely nothing. It was that message being repeatedly drilled into the minds of the WWE audience that has contributed to flailing ratings. Zayn feels troublingly like a mouthpiece here, channelling Vince McMahon’s true feelings towards the fanbase.
So not only are Sami’s attacks falling on deaf ears, but he’s still no closer to finding any sort of feud to feed off. It has to be said that thus far, his return from injury has been fairly unremarkable.
.@SamiZayn is giving the @WWEUniverse a quick psychology lesson about themselves tonight. #Raw pic.twitter.com/VIKQgRfdbA
— WWE (@WWE) April 30, 2019
The Streak Continues
Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins picked up the win over a very smooth-looking The Revival, by way of fluky roll-up pin. These guys had no momentum heading into WrestleMania when they won the belts, and have been booked to hold onto them through nothing more than luck, good fortune and sneaky pins. This has ‘B-Team levels of awful’ written all over it.
Overall Rating for the Show (From best to worst: RawSome, Cor, AvRAWge, Poor and RawFul)
If ever there was a case study in why Raw should be reduced to a two-hour runtime, this was it.
For the first 90 minutes, Raw looked destined to be heading towards the lowest possible rating. The show was directionless, riddled with painful announcements, awful gimmick changes and pointless matches. Alexa Bliss revealing the names of the men and women representing the red brand in the MITB ladder match was particularly deflating, as it all just felt like a missed opportunity. This was a three-hour show – surely there’s a more engaging way of deciding competitors than having their names read off a list by a fellow wrestler.
Almost as bad was Bobby Lashley’s new gimmick (in which he refers to himself in the third person), as well as The Usos releasing footage of The Revival shaving one another’s backs.
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But around the midpoint of the show, things started to pick up. Becky Lynch injected some energy into the night with a good promo, and was met with equal passion from the crowd. The Viking Raiders, Lacey Evans and Rey Mysterio were made to look good in their segments too. And we got the next instalment of the increasingly great Firefly Fun House.
Unfortunately the momentum couldn’t quite be maintained until the show’s end, as the final few segments included a poor tag match and a run-of-the-mill contract signing.
With that sad, this truly was an episode of two contrasting halves this week. Half of Raw was absolutely abysmal, with the latter portion generally passable to good. If the show had stuck the landing, I’d be tempted to move it up another rank. But it couldn’t quite pull it off. So, in that context, this week’s Raw is Poor.
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