Hello all and welcome to another top 5! I know I’ve been away, dear readers, and I’ve missed you all terribly. Sadly, my father has been diagnosed with throat cancer and it’s been a trying time. But I’m back here to analyze, criticize, and prophecize about the WWE and men and women who break their bodies for us. A special thanks to the WrestleTalk staff for their love and support. The patience and support of my brothers especially, Andy, James, Liam, and Oli have been beneficial beyond measure. But mostly, thank you, WrestleTalk Fans, for all your love. You rock SWAFT Nation.
Now that the touchy, feely crap is over with let’s get on to the show! Today the art of being a good manager is somewhat lost. Sure there are a handful of WWE heel managers currently like Zelina Vega, Lana, and the Singhs. However, none have captured the spotlight or came into their own in this role. Managers of the 80’s and 90’s were often times brands unto themselves and even the center of feuds. Bobby the Brain Heenan spent the better part of the late 80’s feuding with Hogan, bring out a bevy of wrestlers to challenge the Immortal One. In the same vein, Jimmy Hart would feud with the Hart Foundation after they turned face.
Heel managers weren’t just eye candy and the occasional ring-side distraction, no, they were the mouthpiece for big guys who couldn’t cut a promo and the driving force behind most of the heat garnered in those days. Just listen to Jim Cornette talk about having to fight fans off with his tennis racket just to make it out of the building. Without heel managers, we would never have had some of the greatest storylines in wrestling history. So today on the this top 5, we’re looking back and honor some of the smarmiest, dirtiest, most vile managers to ever work a mic.
5. Jimmy ‘Mouth of the South’ Hart
If the Micro Machines guy worked for the WWE he would be Jimmy Hart. The fast-talking, loud, Mouth of the South was the perfect level of obnoxious that made you love to hate him. Jimmy was perfect for the Hogan era of wrestling, an over the top, cartoon villain, who our heroes could best. Or at least best the men he represented. Hart started his career in Memphis with Jerry ‘the King’ Lawler, whom he had gone to high school with. While Hart started as Lawler’s manager he soon broke from the ‘the King’ and started his own stable to fight Lawler.
During his time in Memphis, he was part of the Famous Andy Kauffman storyline and managed several big names in their early career including Randy Savage, King Kong Bundy, and ‘Ravishing’ Rick Rude. In 1985 Jimmy joined the WWE after Hillbilly Jim gave him a rub. He started by managing Greg ‘the Hammer’ Valentine in his IC title defense at the first WrestleMania. Valentine lost the title and would join up with Brutus ‘the Barbar’ Beefcake as The Dream Team under Hart’s guidance.
Hart’s most defining moment in the WWE came when he formed the Hart Foundation with Jim ‘the Anvil’ Neidhart, and a debuting Bret Hart. Jimmy saw the team to a WWE Tag Team Championship victory over the British Bulldogs. That had to make for a seriously awkward Christmas dinner that year. Jim and Bret are at the dinner table with their belts, polishing them between bites, and Davey Boy is just stewing over his turkey leg.
Eventually, the Hart Foundation would turn face on Jimmy and spark a feud between them and whoever Jimmy brought to the table. Hart was the focuse of the feud with Bret and Jim, moreso than the people actually in the ring with them. He helped define Bret’s early career and was one of the best on a mic/megaphone. Hart was rarely out of the spotlight in his heyday, even being involved in three matches at WrestleMania III. That event would see him end his night being terrorized by Jake ‘the Snake’ Roberts, Alice Cooper, and their snakes.
Though Jimmy Hart would play the face sometimes, especially if Hogan was around, his run as an obnoxious heel is why we love him.
4. ‘Classy ‘ Freddie Blassie
When most people refer to a geek they’re not speaking literally. Not Freddie Blassie. His famous “pencil-neck geek” line was originally referring to an actual geek he worked with at the carnival, because that’s how damn long ago Freddie Blassie started in the business when it was still a carnival act. Now, Blassie had a storied wrestling career in his own rights, but to many of us still breathing without the help of oxygen tanks, he’s better known as one of the greatest managers to wield a prop weapon.
In 1974, Blassie was forced to retire due to a law in California not allowing anyone over 55 to get a wrestling license. Apparently, the ring was more dangerous than the frequent wildfires, earthquakes, and mudslides. Good lookin’ out Cali. After his retirement from action, Blassie made his way to the WWWF where he was known as one of the ‘Three Wisemen of the East’ with fellow heel managers, ‘Captain’ Lou Albano and the Grand Wizard. The Grand Wizard’s name, in retrospect, was in rather poor taste, to say the least.
Blassie managed a bevy of wrestlers over his career including Muhammad Ali in his match against the great Antonio Inoki even going to so far as to represent the boxer in several media events and interviews in the mid-70’s. Outside of the greatest boxer ever, Blassie also represented some of the biggest names of the 70’s and 80’s including Jesse Ventura, George ‘the Animal’ Steele, the Rock’s granddad High Chief Peter Maivia, and even Hulk Hogan early on.
Blassie was never seen without his signature cane which ended up being the deciding factor in many matches including at the very first WrestleMania. At the first-ever Show of Shows, Blassie was managing the team of Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Shiek against the tag team champs, the US Express, Mike Rotunda (aka IRS, aka Bray and Bo’s daddy) and Barry Windham (aka Bray’s uncle and namesake). Blassie threw his cane in the ring and his team used it to claim the titles that night.
Ever since the first WrestleMania, faces have been getting screwed by heel managers interfering, and we have ‘Classy’ Freddie Blassie for starting the tradition.
3. Jim Cornette
It sincerely hurt my heart to place this man at third, because he is first in my heart. Jim Cornette is a national treasure, dammit. Look maybe he’s cantankerous, maybe I wouldn’t agree with all his politics, but this racket swinging, Sprite swelling SOB is probably one of the greatest managers/bookers to ever walk this earth. Maybe he likes vanilla and I prefer a little chocolate, but I dare you to find someone who knows the business and its psychology better than Jim Cornette. Go on. I’ll wait.
Jim Cornette is like the Berry Gordy of wrestling, he’s brought up and honed so many great acts it’s almost too difficult a task to list. Not only was Jim a great manager, but his time in Smokey Mountain and OVW allowed him to craft and influence the early careers of some of the top talent today including Brock Lesnar, John Cena, Randy Orton, Kane, Al Snow, New Jack, and D-Lo Brown. The list goes on and on when recounting what Jim Cornette has done for the Wrestling business.
*EXTREME LANGUAGE WARNING* NSFW or children or anyone really…
I don’t care how surly he is in a Wendy’s drive-thru, that man is genius and deserves a statue in his honor holding a tennis racket and flipping Vince Russo the bird. We’re three paragraphs in and we haven’t even covered his defining moments as a manager leading the Midnight Express and others through the years. In the WWE, Cornette is probably best known for managing Yokozuna, along with Mr. Fuji, Owen Hart, and the British Bulldog. His best bit came when he was representing people on opposing teams at Survivor Series 1995. He showed up in both pre-match promo interviews and hyped each team. When called out on it, he just pretended like he didn’t know what they were talking about. Genius.
2. Paul Heyman
Holy crap… where to begin on this one. Most of you are probably freaking out that Heyman is at number two spot instead of one, but anyone over the age of 30 understands what’s coming. However, despite missing out on number one the GOAT, Heyman is easily in the conversation for that spot. No one alive today can work a microphone like Paul Heyman. Not Bray, not Jericho, not anyone. That man could sale hygiene products to neckbeards. He could sale Omaha Steaks to a vegan. He could convince Andy’s father to finally accept his lifestyle. The point is nothing is impossible when that man is talking.
Heyman has been better known to us over the years as the advocate for Brock Lesnar, and God bless him for it. Do you think that misanthropic missing link would be half as interesting without Heyman? That’s like Public Enemy without Flava Flav. You gotta have your hype-man. Paul has been able to morph himself over the years from sleazy Paul E. Dangerously, to the rebel leader of ECW, to the well-respected advocate we see today. Regardless of the guise, Paul is still Paul and can work a mic like Oli works old ladies for their pension checks.
Not only is he an amazing manager, booker, promoter, and announcer, his understanding of the business make him damn near a profit:
*LANGUAGE WARNING* If you survived Cornette, then this is like Sunday School.
Now this entry is shorter than the others, and that’s because I can’t possibly explain to you anything about this man’s history that will make you understand the epic nature of his abilities and the legacy he’ll leave better than his own words. This is what it is to see a master ply his craft:
https://youtu.be/0ifuqUsFCek
1. Bobby ‘the Brain’ Heenan
For wrestling fans of a certain age, we grew up on the antics of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan more so than Randy Savage or Andre the Giant, Heenan was the constant foil for Hulk Hogan. He was the Cobra Commander to Hogan’s over patriotic GI Joe. The comparison is even apter because I’d put him up there with Chris Latta as the greatest cowardly villain of the 80’s.
Heenan began wrestling and managing in 1965 for World Wrestling Association in Indianapolis, Indiana. He left the company in 1974 for the AWA after a pay dispute and that’s where’s he’d adopt the ‘Brain’ moniker. In 1984, though Heenan, with a lot of other AWA talent, jumped ship tot he WWE. Heenan established himself in the promo almost immediately by managing Big John Stud in his feud against Andre The Giant. The rivalry included the famous $15,000 Body-Slam Challenge that saw Andre taking the bag of money and tossing it into the crowd before Heenan stopped him.
https://youtu.be/9jVRs0t-X4c
Remember how we gushed over the Hart Foundation? Well, the Heenan Family was that for the main eventers. This included Paul Orndorff, Andre the Giant, King Kong Bundy, Rick Rude, the Brainbusters, and Mr. Perfect to name a few. Without, Heenan comedic villainous character and his stable of monsters, Hulkamania may not have been what it was. It’s hard to encapsulate everything this man did for the sport and what an influence he was on some many people, including people on this list.
Heenan as a part-time wrestler wasn’t afraid to take the big bumps to get a good pop for the face. He wasn’t above debasing himself for the fans, like dressing in drag on the first episode of RAW. You could say he had no shame, but really Heenan had no fear. He was willing to go to any lengths to entertain us, including making himself a loathed laughing stock in the days before kayfabe was drug out back and shot like Ol’ Yeller.
Whether in the ring, at ringside or at the commentary booth, Heenan outshined everyone around him and was truly the greatest of all time.
That does it for this top 5 list. Sorry again about it taking so long. I know you were all just ravenous for more of my charming wit. As we move further and further away from the Golden Age of wrestling managers it’s nice to remember those Titans of mischief that gave us so many classic storylines.
Though we may never see someone as great as Heenan or Cornette again, here’s hoping maybe we’ll get another great Heyman stable before he’s done. Wouldn’t you love to see Brock, Braun, and AOP as the new Heyman Guys, tearing through everyone? I’m getting goosebumps just thinking of the devastation.
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